Oprah Gets Sassed and Blackmailed

I’ve said it many times before over the past few months. “Don’t Sass Oprah’s Ass!” Well, that’s just what happened. Blessed Mother Winfrey was the target of a $1.5 million extortion plot. Da-da-duuuuuun! The FBI has stated that Keifer Bonavillain (no joke that is actually his last name…Bonavillain) had allegedly threatened to release potentially damaging recorded phone conversations of poor little Blessed Mother Winfrey. I guess what happened is that this dude recorded 12 hours of “damning” information about Oprah from an employee of hers (Gayle?) and then he wanted to publish a book based on these 12-hours of tapes.

Seriously? This guy is a friggin idiot. First, don’t ever sass Oprah’s ass because you’ll totally get the horns and you’ll possibly get your ass kicked by Gayle. Second, $1.5 million? Is this guy new? Has he just heard of Oprah? Last time I checked she was worth like $5 billion. She probably has $1.5 million of rolled quarters hidden in her sock drawer! P.S do you think Oprah has a sock drawer? If I ever meet her I’m going to ask her.

As soon as I read this story the first thing I thought of was when Doctor Evil wanted to hold the world ransom for $1 million! In conclusion, Mr Bonavillain had been arrested, but is out on $20,000 bail. No word yet if Mr. Bonavillain will be invited to next years “Oprah’s Favorite Things” episode.

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