Jewel Still Playing the Homeless Card

So Jewel is still playing that “homeless card.” Jewel was, get this, on Capitol Hill testifying at a Congress hearing on America’s Youth Homeless Crisis. Oh, and “Cousin It” on top of her head also testified. Seriously, we get it. You were homeless once. You should be thanking God you were homeless. That was half your charm and 90% of your success. Jewel beats the homeless thing to death even more than I beat the “Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx” joke to death. Jewel looks all serious too, kinda like she’s a “no nonsense business woman circa 1994.” I especially like her Glamour Shots pose in the last photo. I am saddened, however, that her snaggle tooth was not allowed to testify on Capitol Hill. Anytoof, why is she testifying anyway? Wait, can she go to prison for this? Can you go to jail for being homeless? That’s a great idea actually. That way you can get off the streets and eat three times a day. Who cares about the “not having sex thing” because it’s not like you getting lucky while you were curled up in a ball with your cans surrounding you in the alley. What? I’m just saying. I could totally fix the homeless problems in this world. So it’s either jail or we give every homeless person a guitar to see if they can one day record an album and win a Grammy.
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