Jessica Biel was caught vacationing in Hawaii for Christmas, and just like it says in the Bible, “Thou Shall Play Beach Paddle Ball During the Birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.” Check the Bible, it totally says that. Jessica Biel can completely kick my ass, but don’t get me wrong because she can kick your ass too. Actually, she can kick all of our asses. Look, I’m not saying that she needs to get Nicole Richie “stick-like” but Jessica is a little to muscular for my taste. Reverend Camden would have NEVER let her get guns like that (and not the other guns you’re thinking of).