If this doesn’t make me behave like a better human so that I don’t end up burning in the fiery pits of hell, nothing will. This is, without exaggeration, my own personal nightmare and my own personal hell wrapped up into one big box that is then shat on by Satan himself.
Jordin Sparks (blurp) and David Archuleta (gnaaaaw) performed at the 3rd Annual Jordin Sparks Experience at the Eden Roc Resort in Miami, Florida the other day. 3rd annual? Sounds like 2 too many. Both sported their under eye war paint as a festive way to attract attention away from their weight and height and sang a duet that I don’t even need to know what it was in order for me to close my 30th floor window in an attempt to save my life.