Christina Aguilera and her bumsband, Droopy-Drawers McWhispyBeard, were caught leaving The Roxy the other night. Seriously, Christina looks like she itches. Everywhere. Kinda like she itches a lot and tried to figure out if it’s crabs, but her head is itchy too so she tries to decide if she even has crabs or if her crabs jumped into her hair or if she has lice and her lice made its way down to her criggty-crotch. It’s tough being Christina. She kinda looks like she smells too. Like, musty and shit. Almost like your basement that has an area rug and it rained the night before. Like, it rained a lot. And some of the water seeped into the basement and the rug got wet. But you hadn’t been down your basement in a few days so when you go down there to grab your laundry you open the door and you’re trying to figure out what that smell is. Yeah. I kinda feel like she smells like that.
Honestly, no clue today folks, no clue.