Iggy Is Kinda Turning Out to Be a Pain in the Ass, No?

I received many emails asking me why I haven’t been talking about the story of Ellen and Iggy. Let me catch everyone up on the reasoning behind that. I hate dogs. Well, that’s not entirely true. I hate dogs and all animals. It’s true. Something that drinks out of the toilet, licks its own “business” and then wants to sniff around my foot and try to lick my hand and/or face is kind of something I’m not that into and don’t want it around me. With my empty/black heart for animals, especially dogs, I was amazed that this ridiculous story of Ellen, her dog, and that random family that she gave it to was making top story on the Today Show and seemed to be on the news every night. Plus watching Ellen crying on national television made me extremely uncomfortable and forced me to suffer from “secondhand embarrassment” (thanks Erica). Does she know this is all over a dog? Please insert “we’re fighting a war in Iraq” comment here _______. There’s been so much craptastic coverage about Ellen, this family, and Iggy that I’m ready for someone to put all of them to sleep.

I think it’s good that this little girl who had Iggy taken away from her, Ruby, learns a lesson like this. And that lesson is, “When a celebrity gives you something out of the kindness of their heart be prepared to suffer for the rest of your life. And I’m not talking about Paris giving you an STD. I’m talking about a dog.” So please, everyone out there reading this, DON’T ACCEPT DOGS FROM ELLEN DEGENERES, IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. Good day.

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