IBBB’s Open Letter to Charlie Sheen


Dear Mr. Charlie Sheen,

Thank you.  Thank you for everything that you have been doing for society over the past 2 weeks.  I made this photo for you because, like Tony the Tiger, I think you’re Grrrrrrreat!  I’m sure I’m violating some kind of trademark rule or something,  but – WINNING!

I’m not quite sure what’s going on with you and, you know what, who am I to judge?  All I know is that every morning when I wake up and put on the Today Show, you’re there.  Whether I’m watching a segment with you and the “Godessess” you’re there.  I’m ready to go to bed at night and surf through the channels and, guess what, you’re there.  And you’re not just always sitting in a boring studio, we’re inside your kitchen or one morning when it was 7:30 EST and 4:30 PST you were sitting on directors chairs in the middle of the street.  Thank you.

By the way, the Godesses?  Brilliant.  I mean the fact that one calls herself a porn star and the other one a “model” is Immaculate comic gold.  I mean, let’s be real these broads look like their crotches itch on the regular and they spend countless hours trying to chisel skidmarks out of their underwear, but I digest and digress all at the same time.  You taught me I can do both…or anything!

People are starting to say, “Oh don’t make fun of Charlie because he clearly has mental issues.”  I usually respond with “God I hope so!”  Drug and alcohol binges and rages are so yesterday.  Oh wow, Lindsay Lohan allegedly stole a necklace and may go to prison for 6 months?  Yawn.  LOSING.  Paula Abdul called 911 because her boyfriend wouldn’t drop her off at her home or let her out of her car?  Yawn.  Child’s play.  You on the other hand, my friend, are like something that my eyes have never seen and my brain has yet to be able to process.  Thank you.

In conclusion, I hope you never quit being “Sheen.”  It’s really given me a reason to get up in the morning.  I find myself springing out of bed with such a zest for life and racing to turn on the television just to see what in the holy F you’ve been up to in the 7 measly hours that I’ve been sleeping and, well, usually it’s been something good…great, in fact.  And please don’t ever get off Twitter.  You’ve inspired me to Tweet more, but I know I can never live up to the absolute genius you are tweeting…even if you kinda have no idea what Twitter is all about and you kinda think you’re in a chatroom, that’s fine with me.  So thank you, thank you Charlie Sheen for finally bringing some real crazy to Hollywood and totally owning it.  I hope the Olsen Twins are watching closely because I expect a lot from them, too, in the coming years.

Luke-Warm Regards,

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