Hi Janet Jackson! Please Stop That.

Hi Janet Jackson. How are things? For a 72 year old woman you still looking amazingly hot, but I have a bone to pick with you. I had my boombox cranked up to 7 yesterday when your new song “Feedback” came on. I had heard it a few times before so I figured I would give it a chance. Here’s what I heard and here’s what I think.

You sing: Strum me like a guitar, blow out my amplifier. When you hear some feedback keep going take it higher. Crank it up, give it to me come on. Crank it up, give it to me come on.

I think: Janet must be singing about making sweet sex to someone. Perhaps a guitar. Perhaps a car jack. It’s hard to tell. Regardless, she’s singing about porking her way to freedom.

You Sing: Flyer than a pelican, find another chick better then I don’t see her. Cause my swag is serious. Something heavy like a first day period.

I think: For the love of all that is good and holy in this world, please stop. Look Janet, clearly Ms Jackson at a time like this, but you’re still hot. You could be clubbing baby seals and artificially inseminating a cow with your hand, but if you were topless while doing this you’d still be hot. Wanna know what makes you not hot at all? Saying things like, “something heavy like a first day period.” Now I’ve tossed some smut around on this site from time to time, but the thought of your heavy first day period is just about, well, all I can really take.

What’s with these people lately? First Jane Fonda drops the c-word on the Today Show and now Janet is singing about “that time of the month.” What ever happened to the simpler says of the Olsen Skanks singing, “I’m the Cute One?”

Anyway, in closing, please stop this at once. Thanks, in advance, for your cooperation.
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