A spinoff of “Spencer’s Busy…Let IBBB Take a Message,” IBBB is proud to present you with another installment of “Hey Stupids! Gotta Question for IBBB?” Here’s how this works. You have a question or need advice, you send me an email. I read it. I advise. Sometime, depending on my mood, I advice as well. Here are some recent questions/comments I’ve received. The names have been changed to protect the trashy.
I am just wondering why you never cover the Girls Next Door? I always find myself disappointed when you turn slack and I find out my celebrity trash gossip from another source, your rude and sometimes obscene depiction of gossip always makes me smile more than the ‘matter of fact’ ones!
Dear Nosy Claus,
Wow. The nerve on you. If I ever see you on the streets of New York I will give you the spanking of your life for calling me out on “slacking.” Now I’m not sure what you look like so therefore I’m going to have to just start giving spankings to random people on the street in hopes that it will one day be you. I mean, at this point, it’s a numbers game. Anyway, I’m not TIVO so stop treating me like I am and trying to humiliate me in front of the other readers. I don’t go to your office and tell you that your Excel spreadsheets should have all the numbers centered in each cell and not defaulted to the right, do I? They should, by the way. Ok, well I hope I answered your question.
Go Recap Your Mother,
I love your sense of humor and wit and was hoping you could help me come up with some great ideas for Christmas gifts this year? Help!!!!
Dear Sue Who,
Uh, only one exclamation point was needed. Not four. Anyway. Sweetie, did no one tell you the news? Oh, I’m sorry. Santa Claus has died. Yes. Thanks to all the gas your SUV uses he died from Global Warming Poisoning. It’s a real thing. Look it up. As far as gifts go maybe just print out some of your charming emails and stuff them in their stockings. They’ll be as happy as I was when I opened your email. There’s 45 seconds I’ll never get back.
You’re the Worst,
I’ve been following your site for 2 years now and love it. I LOVE The Hills recaps the best. It’s my favorite thing to read all week. What are you going to do when The Hills goes off the air?
Well thanks for bursting my balloon, skank. What are you gonna do when your grandfather dies? See? How does that feel? Why would you ask me such a morbid question? Rude. Anyhills, I’m glad you read my site everyday and not just on Hills Recaps Tuesday. I hate those people who do that. And you know who you are! The Hills will never go off the air, but if it does I will start to film episodes myself and then recap those episodes. I will be 92 years old and on my death bed hooked up to life support, but I’ll be filming scenes with the nurse who I will force to play Heidi and will have my seeing-eye-pony typing on my laptop. I’m depressed now. Never write me again.
Gotta question for IBBB? Email it. Or don’t. Either way, I’m not losing sleep over this.