Kelly Ripa was at the American Museum of Natural History the other day in NYC looking like a tanned Twizzler. Now I typically live by the rule that sluts wear red and I believe I am right yet again. I know, go figure. Kelly Ripa seems like the good kind of slut though. She’s the kind of wild little minx that would play dirty sanchez with you all whist tossing some brownies in the oven for you and folding your socks. She’s what I like to call a “Well Rounded Slut.”
Some people say Kelly is too skinny and some say she’s too tanned. I saw she isn’t skinny enough or tanned enough. She needs one more cycle of toothbrush down the throat and another session in the super-sonic tanning bed in my opinion.
Anyway, Kelly is now the new face of “ryka” which is the leader in stylish performance athletic footwear and apparel designed exclusively for women. Kelly is going to oversee the design of the fitness-inspired line that will be called The Kelly Ripa Collection. Hmmm, this is sounding eerily familiar with exactly what Kathy Lee Gifford was up to while she was the co-host of Live with Regis and Snatchy Lee and her clothing line was busted for using underage sweatshop kids. Best wishes Kelly! Remember, if the stitching in your clothing line looks a little amature it’s probably because it’s being done by a 7 yr old who’s chained to a sowing machine in India.