Harriet Carter Spinoff Cookoff

Back by popular demand is “2 Minute Recaps.” A spinoff of “Harriet Carter Wednesday,” watch my favorite Harriet Carter model, Rachel Platt, host this online cooking show like a champ. If you’re new to this, check out last weeks explainer by clicking here. Now that we’re all settled, here’s my craptastic recap of this weeks episode of Rachel and Will making “Pizza.” Let’s go:
  • I’d like to start this off by asking you, the IBBB readers, to pool some money together and chip in so that Rachel can wear something else besides that purple sweatery thing.
  • Rachel is 100% bullshit that her last pizza she ordered had a swimming pool of sauce. I wouldn’t put it past her to have tossed the burning hot pizza back in the delivery guys face.
  • Why must she continue to ask the stupidest questions: “What’s the best way to make it at home the way I like it?” Um, well Rachel, perhaps put in the ingredients you like best. I know. Crazy concept.
  • Rachel must be a party animal. She is psyched by the idea “individual size” pizza. She actually says, “…very cool for partying.” Yeah. Awesome! I love partying with pizza. Someone grab my legs I’m going in for a pizza stand! Someone time me!
  • Can she please stop asking so many questions. No joke she’s always like: Why? How? What is that? Why would you do that? Can you do it any way you like? Really? God, she’s like a 3 year old that is never satisfied with the answer.
  • Good old Rachel is a cooking genius. When “Chef Will” tells her you continue to make it they way they do in a pizza shop, Rachel chimes in with “obviously with cheese.” WRONG! Everyone knows a traditional pizza “shop” makes their pizza with grass clippings and blown out tires found on the highway. What a cooking rookie.
  • Ugh! Every episode she asks if there is a wrong way to make the recipe. YES! YES! YES! Yes there is always a wrong way to make whatever it is that you’re making. Her secret lover, Chef Will, always claims that there isn’t a wrong way to make it. I’d love it if he’s shove her head in the pizza. Even before it’s put into the oven is fine with me.
  • Now Rachel is asking if you slice the tomato before putting it on the pizza. No. Just place the entire tomato on top of the pizza. Once you place it in the oven, the “Oven Elves” will do the slicing. Even Harriet Carter is hanging her head in shame right now.
  • Seriously that pizza looks gross. It’s like all dough and nothing else. It’s like eating six sandwiches at one sitting. Fine, I’m in!
  • Look, I’m not a chef or a cook or even know if there is a kitchen in my apartment, but these two make it seem like there are no rules to cooking. Rachel wants to know how you can tell when the pizza is done and Chef Will says there’s really no way to know. That has to be no true, right? Someone get me on that cooking show. STAT!
  • The pizza is too hot to eat (even though Rachel yells out that “hot food’s the best!” so Rachey takes off a piece of cheese and is all like, “Mmmmmm.” Yeah that cheese you put on the top is good. Adios delivery! We’ve found a clear winner!
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