Dear Jane Cole,
Well isn’t this quite the honor! I must be one the luckiest streaks of my life because I literally got about 15 emails this week alone from people who want to split money with me! I decided to respond to you because of your “complement of the day.” What a complement that was! It shows me that you really care about me and, well, I’m realizing that I care about you too.
I did have a question though. You mentioned that you wanted to “intimate me with certain facts.” Does that mean you’re going to email me pictures of your boobs? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what you meant. I’m glad that you are, in fact, happily married with two kids and I will not betray your confidence. I’m sure your husband and kids are really treats.
I’m not quite sure if we can be “accord” as my last car was not a Honda. Perhaps we can meet up if/when you make it to New York City. I’ll be looking for you to wash up to shore in an inner-tube as I have a feeling that’s how you’ll be hand delivering my check to me.
I Love You Forever,