Fighting Spam: The One With the British Death Bed

Me gusta when I get some crazy SPAM email. Here’s one of my favorites!


Of course, my response was as follows:

Hey Emily – Ugh sorry to hear about the cancer.  Seems like you can’t catch a break.  Just yesterday you emailed me about being on your death bed due to losing your legs and one arm, although I think you typed “leggs.”  LOL, I guess the one arm makes it tough for typing.  Anybandages, that’s pretty neat that your late husband left you all those Euros.  Is that like real money or like Chuck E. Cheese’s tokens?  Oh sorry, I forgot you’re from the UK.  You probably call it Charles E. Gouda or something.  You Brits!  Do you know Lisa Vanderpump?  Of course you must.

I’m cool with donating the money to the orphans, as I grew up watching Annie with my sister and, well, I mean how long can those kids really have hot mush?  I have a little problem, though, with the “widows in the society.”  How do I round them all up?  I’ll assume CraigsList, but hoping you can provide me names and addresses.  If you can crawl out of your death bed, please let me know at your earliest convenience.

Speaking of “last deed on earth” you know what I want mine to be?  To teach you proper English and, well, my actual name.  You seem to think it’s “Remained Blessed” which is catchy, but would confuse the police if I ever got pulled over.  Alright I gotta run.  I just won 5 other Internet lotteries in the last 20 minutes and want to get all the paper work in order.  Get well soon!  I love you.


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