Everybody Gets a TV Netwooooork! Nope. Actually, Just Oprah.

Oprah continues her crusade on making me feel worthless by acquiring her very own TV network. It’s been decided that the Discovery (Health) Channel will be turned over to Oprah next year and then will be renamed OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network). Yeah, I’m sure that’s how it happened. I bet Oprah walked into the offices of the Discovery Channel and just said, “Gimme it.” And, of course, they did because Oprah can easily end your life….as she sits at the right hand of the Father. I wonder what JULIA ROBBBBBBERTS and JOHHHHHHN TRAVOOOOOOOOLTA think about this?

Oprah told the press that she’s dreamed about owning her own OWN TV network for the past 16-years so she’s fulfilled yet another dream. When asked what type of programming would be on OWN, Oprah replied, “mindful, not mindless, television.” Ok. Well, she just lost me. I would have given this new channel a chance, but I look for only mindless television. I was hoping she’d have a few of those dating reality shows where people sit on a bus and make fools of themselves, followed by a daily 12-hour marathon of The Hills and Laguna Beach, and then she’d end the day with rich bitches turning 16 and having their rich parents throw them an extravagant party. No? Well then I’m not watching.

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