The new nose and chin shaving must have really done the trick because last night Ashlee Simpson announced that she is, in fact, engaged to Pete Wentz. Can someone check on Jessica because I’m pretty sure she is on suicide watch now and strapped to the bed…and not in the good way.
Ashlee and Pete released a joint statement:
“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and to hear it straight from us.”
You hear that? Ashlee and Pete think I’m the best. That was nice of them to say. It’s nice that they consider this such a “very private matter” that they told everyone “on the Internet.” Yeah no one reads that wild and crazy “Internet.” It’s just a flash in the pan.
Crazy ass Joe Simpson told People Magazine that he is “totally happy” and “so excited to have Pete part of our family.” I’d assume he’d continue on by saying “now I can finally start sharing Pete’s clothes and dressing younger and now I can FINALLY talk to Pete about what it’s like having sex with my daughter and not seem weird.”