Ali is Over This Sh*t


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If this was read like Leah’s 4th grade reading-level voiceover it would say, “Hey y’all.  This is a picture from my weddin’.  I was so glad that US Weekly was in the woods with us to take these pictures and that hunters didn’t shoot Corey and all the groomsmen because they were wearin’ camo y’all!”

I have to admit I’m pretty pumped for the wedding next week, but I’m getting nervous it may not be filled with as much comedy gold as I’d like.  For example, Leah didn’t slick her bangs to her forehead and I don’t see soggy crunchy wet curls anywhere.  The closest I see to wet hard hair is Corey’s and, well, that’s no fun.  And I don’t know how much Photoshop was used on Leah on the cover of US Weekly because I highly doubt she didn’t use her standard thick tip black Sharpie to put on her eye makeup (y’all).  I can only hope and pray to Jesus Claus, Santa Christ, and their teen mom Mary that Leah’s mom is in a long camo gown (or hospital scrubs with a nice Garfield print) and hair that looks like it was fried in a waffle iron.

Finally, the look on Ali’s face really sums up what all of “the America” is thinking.  She’s f’n over it and wants the God-damn cameras out of her mother f’n face.  She’s thinking, I’m too young to talk yet but this side-eye I’m shooting speaks volumes.  I mean, I also interpret that look to say, “If you think for one second when I can grow hair that you’re going to gel the ever-loving sh*t out of it and slick my baby bangs you got another thing comin.  Oh, and why am I a spitting image of my Grandma and her husband/brother?”

While Teen Mom, sadly, can’t last forever Leah and Corey should be thinking of how to have a little longevity with all of this.  I have 5 words for them:  Olsen Twins.

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