2 Minute Recaps: Meatloaf Maaaaa!

Back by popular demand is “2 Minute Recaps.” A spinoff of “Harriet Carter Wednesday,” watch my favorite Harriet Carter model, Rachel Platt, host this online cooking show like a champ. If you’re new to this, check out the explainer by clicking here. Now that we’re all settled, here’s my craptastic recap of this weeks episode of Rachel and Will making “Turkey Meatloaf.” It’s like you barely even have to see a second of the video to know that Rachel and Will will be wearing purple and green or that Rachel will ask “how do you know when it’s done?” Let’s go!

  • We may be up to episode 17, but that doesn’t mean that this crew has learned to yell “cut” yet. Right off the bat within the first 1 second you can hear some lady in the background yelling “3….2…..1.” If I were Rachel I would have thrown my wine glass at her for messing me up by counting whilst I am preparing for my hosting duties. Luckily Rach is a pro and performs magically.
  • Now I may not be a chef but can you technically say that ground turkey in the past was like cardboard? Isn’t bad pizza like cardboard? Perhaps Rachael was all drugged up and thought she was eating a turkey burger, but was actually eating a pizza box. Just a thought. However, thanks for the dramatics Rach. It’s like I’m watching Lost!
  • How come Chef Will’s cooking strategies always include “using strong flavors.” Isn’t that the point? Who wants flavorless turkey meatloaf? I bet Rach’s idea of strong flavors is farting into the pan. I assume only.
  • Why is the ground turkey looking like paste? Is there such thing as turkey paste? Nasty. Now I’m convinced more than ever that Rachel did poo-poo-pants in that bowl. Minx!
  • Oh Jesus with the questions! Yes it has to be that kind of apple, Rachel! No, toss in a caramel candy apple. Toss the stick in too! It’ll all cook.
  • How come when Chef Will says “add the heavy cream” he looks right at Rachel. More sexual tension? It’s like watching Ross and Rachel from “Friends” except (1) I couldn’t care less about these two and (2) it’s not like watching Ross and Rachel from Friends at all.
  • I’m pretty sure that Rachel is a serial killer. She shows the signs of it. When Will is mixing up the raw turkey with his hands Rachey looks into the bowl and shouts “looks awesome!” Yay! Dead turkey carcass. Yum!
  • Did Chef Will just call himself cute? Are they allowed to ad-lib like that? Next episode you know Rach-dog is going to refer to herself as a sexy bitch.
  • Ok and cue the sexual innuendos: Chef Will tells Rach she has a burn proof mouth and then Rachel opens up her mouth and says “I don’t even wait!” She doesn’t wait. You can tell. Rach definitely enjoys having some hot meat in her mouth. Hopefully when she swallows it won’t burn. She totally swallows. What a pro!
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