2 Minute Recaps: Coronita?

Back by popular demand is “2 Minute Recaps.” A spinoff of “Harriet Carter Wednesday,” watch my favorite Harriet Carter model, Rachel Platt, host this online cooking show like a champ. If you’re new to this, check out last weeks explainer by clicking here. Now that we’re all settled, here’s my craptastic recap of this weeks episode of Rachel and Will making “Brussel Sprouts.” Is it “Brussels Sprouts” or “Brussel Sprouts?” Oh well, who cares. Let’s go!
  • I have to admit I actually learned something from these 2 crazy cats. I never even heard of “Coronita” only “Corona” but apparently that exists. At first I thought it was a trick, but then I Googled the hell out of it and discovered it’s just another name for Corona in other parts of the country. The more you know.
  • Rachel is all “saladed” out and, since she’s a 10 yr old brat, she’s afraid of stinky little brussel sprouts. However, what in the holy hell is she talking about when she says she’s looking for a side-dish (to replace salad) that doesn’t turn to mush!? Uh, how about anything non-mushy. Just a thought.
  • Haha! Awesome. I’m pretty sure Chef Will just insulted Rachel’s mother. I love “yo’ mama” jokes. Now if only he could throw “whore” in the sentence somewhere I would be 100% proud of him. Now I’m just 95% proud of him.
  • Oh my GOD it’s like cooking with The Riddler. Rachey-poo asks a million f’n questions. She even asks questions I’m not thinking about. Even Will seems pissed. He rolls his eyes at one of her 16 million questions. Put a lid on it, Rach, and stick that purple chest out!
  • Uh oh…CLEAR…Rachel is flat-lining. Hopefully that gulp of wine will bring her back to life. All that talk about boiling and draining must really take a toll on her. I mean, to be alert for a 2 minute cooking segment must be strenuous.
  • Wait, did Rachel just say she takes in the the can and the box? To which, Chef Will replied, “A can…a box…it doesn’t matter.” Yeah, I guess as long as you’re putting it into something it’s a success.
  • When Rach is “smelling the corn starch” and robotically stating, “I-don’t-know-how-good-it-is” I can see a microphone attached to her left boob. You mean to tell me that these two can afford microphones, but can’t yell “cut” when they mess up or when things get really awkward? Priorities.
  • When Chef Will says that the corn starch is “a nice creaming agent” I’m pretty sure Rachel was thinking, “Wait a minute, I thought I was the nice creaming agent.”
  • Like the animal she is, Rachel shoves the entire brussel sprout into her mouth, while it’s steaming hotter than a whore in church. Shockingly she is now burning the insides of her mouth and I’m pretty sure I can see a little panic on her face, no joke. But please, don’t yell “cut” just keep going because this looks great.
  • Sidenote: Why does Rachel have a diamond ring on her middle finger? Do people do that?
  • I would have paid Rachel $5,000 for Rachel to yell out, “Yowza! Brussel sprouts give me the shits!” and then run off camera.
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