2 Minute Chef + 2 Minute Recap + Harriet Carter Model + Chicken = Pathetic Blogger Happiness

Back by popular demand is “2 Minute Recaps.” A spinoff of “Harriet Carter Wednesday,” watch my favorite Harriet Carter model, Rachel Platt, host this online cooking show like a champ. If you’re new to this, check out last weeks explainer by clicking here. Now that we’re all settled, here’s my craptastic recap of this weeks episode of Rachel and Will making “Thai Chicken.” Things get a little interesting in this episode and I think they’re sending me a subliminal message. Let’s go:
  • Crap the purple sweater is back. At least turn it inside out for God sakes. Her pits must stink, amongst other things if you know what I mean, and I think you do….because I’m 12.
  • I’m pretty sure Rachel is reading her first few lines from cue cards. She seems pissed that Thai food “isn’t generally something that is made in front of her at home.” I’d be pissed too. Where, however, are people making your Thai food and why are they hiding it?
  • Rachel is, legit, like a 15-month old who copies everything that the other person does. “Chef Will” talks about the peanut butter to use and shakes the jar a bit. Rachel takes it and shakes the jar of peanut butter too. Like an infant, I don’t think Rachel is allowed to have peanut butter until she’s at least three.
  • Pointless Question of the Episode from Rachel: “If I don’t have that [peanut butter] and I just have Skippy of something?” Ok Rachel finish your thought. Don’t just put your hands up in the air and shake your head. Use your words, Rachel. Sound them out if you have to.
  • Hmmm, Chef Will seems a little pissed at Rachel this week. He’s a bit distant.
  • Rachel gives a great idea when she tells Chef Will that you can put the chicken on the skewers ahead of time and then marinate them. He pretty much ignores her when she says this. Perhaps he’s hypnotized by the pattern in her shirt. One may never know.
  • Ugh, she is so patronizing. Will says he made a little salad and Rachel is all like, “Greeeeeat!” You know, the same way you say that to a little kid who painted a picture, yet you have no idea what that picture is. Are they in a fight? There better be an E! True Hollywood Story about these two.
  • Stop the press! Is Rachel sending me a subliminal message? She says this recipe is great to make on an, I don’t know, WEDNESDAY NIGHT! Harriet Carter Wednesday perhaps, Rachel? Perhaps you make your Thai Peanut Chicken recipe, grab a glass of wine, and see if you made it into Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday, perhaps? Perhaps I just want to say perhaps? Perhaps.
  • Um huh? Wait, what? No really, what!?! At exactly 2 minutes and 2 seconds does Chef Will tell Rachel that she can put some “fresh penis” right on top of that? I know he was supposed to say “peanuts” but I’m pretty sure he said “penis.” Wow you can cut the sexual tension (and his penis off) with a knife! Rachel, of course, answers with a “Mmmmmm awesome!” because she loves nothing more than a side of penis with her meals. Skanky McSlutty-Blouse.
  • Will is now my new hero as he tells Rachel she has “No Class” while she eats with her fingers. Awesome! Now I would have gone with something a little more catchy like, “Classless white trash” but at least he is experimenting.
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