Time for another weekly segment of “Kids Picture This.” The concept is simple. I find kids drawings. I then critique them. Sometimes I critic them. Get it? Let’s go…
While “Kids Picture This” has become one of the more popular segments here at IBBB, I still get a ton of crap emails form people thinking that I’m being mean. Lighten up, it’s funny. And, to prove it, I would like to start with a drawing that my father drew and entered into a Catholic school contest over 50 years ago. I’m not joking, he found this, scanned it, and emailed it to me. Enjoy!
Picture # 1 – Seeing how my dad viewed Jesus carrying the cross many years ago brings a smile to my face. I actually thought this drawing was really good, until he pointed out the humor in his drawing after looking at it 50+ years later. So, while the Bible always made me think that this took place in the Middle East, apparently my dad was under the assumption that Jesus and the guards were all Asian. That, possibly, could explain the height. Also, I’m not quite sure why one of the guards has Bettlejuice’s head and the other guard looks like Rocky Dennis from “Mask.” I’m waiting for Cher to pop out from the corner and tell him that he’s just as good as everyone else. I also wasn’t aware that the guards had chicken gizzards on top of their helmets or why Jesus is wearing Mrs. Roper’s bathrobe, but evidently my dad knows this for sure. I believe him. I mean, he was “in the know” enough to draw one of the guards giving the other guard the finger. You know what? I would too. Those guys were bastards. I mean, not only are they making Jesus carry that heavy cross, but (for some reason) Jesus, in this picture, has the actual sun sitting on his head. Well, it’s either the sun or the Walmart logo and my dad was years ahead of his time.
Picture # 2 – Hey everyone! It’s the penis family! What a concept. Every member of the family, both male and female, have a penis. I guess that helps take care of the “keeping the toilet seat down” problem that has plagued generations. And what luck, because some of the family members not only have penises but also have penis shaped heads. Now I won’t pretend to have any form of idea what their names are. No clue. I don’t know who “Jo Purple” is, or who Rudh (standing next to Jo Purple) is, or why Kgate has wings, or why Cattherien has a penis that also doubles as a snake. I mean I could try to come up with some possible theories, but I’m sure I’d be wrong. What a sad family, especially Jo Purple, who ironically is actually purple, is missing both of his/her feet. And I guess I feel a little sad for Cattherien too since she, you know, also plays the role of the family fire hydrant. Well, I guess with all those penis’ people need a place to go. The fire hydrant makes the most sense.
Well that concludes a touching segment of “Kids Picture This.” Have a drawing you’d like to share? Want to throw your own kids under the bus for a little light-hearted critique by yours truly? Email them over to me!