Time for another weekly segment of “Kids Picture This.” The concept is simple. I find kids drawings. I then critique them. Get it? Let’s go….
Picture # 1 – Beep beep! Here comes Mommy! Gas up the red penis-mobile and strap a helmet on Daddy because he’s about get involved in a little family hit-and-run. Hopefully is bright blue suitcase, that’s a little more than half the size of the car, will take the brunt of the hit. I think that little Sally who drew this picture is extremely innovative as the penis-mobile is apparently flying. Also, I’d love to live in her world where people have chicken legs/feet as arms. I also admire how accepting her world is where her dad can get away with a lime green mini skirt. Maybe that’s why mom is so mad….and driving with one arm behind her head. It’s probably so she can run over her husband and slap her kids in the back seat all at the same time. She’s efficient like that. Why her dad is wearing red lipstick like Christina Aguilera and her mom isn’t is a whole other story for another time. I’m still trying to figure out why an “M” and a “W” is falling out of the sky. Beep, beep! Next stop, DSS!
Picture # 2 – Ever wonder when the precise moment takes place that paves the way for your daughter to one day become a stripper? Well. I found it. When she graduated from her Highlights Magazine finding the toaster in the tree to drawing someone hanging from the tree….you’ve discovered the “stripper gene” is about to kick in. If this is little Cindy’s idea of a festive homemade Christmas card, she’s missing some lights and snowflakes. Although, the clouds and sun seem to be declaring Jihad on her backyard so maybe there’s no drawing space for snow and/or Christmas lights. Now is the person inside the house crying because someone is hanging from the tree or because they’re as tall as the second floor of the house and 3 times the size of the front door? I mean, I’d cry over any of those scenarios, but the heart that’s floating in the sky would likely cheer me up. It’s a real crapshoot in that backyard so one may never know. I’m hoping that once a child draws something like this, their teacher sends this to someone, legit, who can analyze this to see if they have a lofty imagination or if their next step is picking up roadkill, naming it, and bringing it to Christmas dinner. It’s a fine line. A fine line. P.S, not to nitpick, but the tree is technically floating and the grass is growing a little thin. Needs some more seeds and watering. Just sayin’, maybe you should have spent more time on that than the delicate features of the rope.
Well that concludes a touching segment of “Kids Picture This.” Have a drawing you’d like to share? Want to throw your own kids under the bus for a little light-hearted critique by yours truly? Email them over to me!