Time for another weekly segment of “Kids Picture This.” The concept is simple. I find kids drawings. I then critique them. Sometimes I critic them. Get it? Let’s go…
Picture # 1 – Ay yi yi. You know what? Let’s just make a new rule, Little Jimmy, if you can’t spell just don’t. Don’t. Just stick to drawing. Actually, I’d reconsider that too. Any chance you can swing a bat? Because this may be your best bet as a “paying job” after you repeat 2nd grade six more times. I’m not even kidding, I’m pretty sure this cryptic message to “Justin” is actually a message to the Taliban to start blowing sh*t up again. In fact, I’m guessing they’ll be using that “truck” that Little Jimmy drew. I mean, it makes sense as those tires are actually just rocks that the Taliban will throw at each other on a dirt road as they hide behind broken down cars that are engulfed in flames while their 6 wives cover their faces, raise their hands to the sky, and cry in foreign tongues. You know the scene. Now let’s try to dissect this message. For some reason I’m going to need to you read this with a German accent. I believe it reads: “Dear Justin. I like when you tuk us the hard. It was fun dan, was ulot of chres from amFar.” I have no idea. I didn’t know where the last sentence ended or started for that matter. All I know is that Justin apparently tuk’s them on the hard and, well, I’m going to need to report this to the authorities. And let’s get back to that truck that is, most likely, being used as a missile. Is Big Bird driving this truck filled with illegal immigrants across the Mexican border? Did I just crack the case? I think I just did. Maybe the whole sentence about “tuk us on the hard” is really code for “tuck and roll once we hit the border and the dogs start chasing us.” Does this make me a diplomat? I believe it does. I believe it does.
Picture # 2 – Another picture sent to me from an IBBB reader – Hey there Little Billy. You doin’ good? Yeah? I bet you are. I’m going to need you to do me a little favor though, ok? Good. Yeah, I’m going to need to your stop poking Little Christina with the pigtails who sits next to you with your #2 pencil and pay closer attention to the teacher. Yeah. Ok? Good. You see, Mrs. Skanky-Bottoms asked that simply just draw a peanut man…..not a peanut and a man. Although, way to think outside the box. And while I may not be French, I give you an A+ for the spelling of “peanut” because I’m almost certain that’s how you say it in French: “penute”…as in, “Pardon me, would you please pass me a handful of penutes?” Awesome. And seriously how psyched is that dude to be standing next to a life size peanut?! That’s quite possibly the biggest “thumbs up” in recorded history. It’s almost like this guy smashed his thumb under the life size peanut and is now showing us “Exhibit A.” And look how “cracky” his eyes are! I love it. You totally know this guy is all strung out on meth and is just standing next to a building, but to him it looks like a giant peanut. If there were another picture he’d be in a swimming pool, but would think he’s actually floating in a bowl full of jelly. P.S, nice work with the three “skid marks” above the peanut. Sometimes too much peanut butter does that to me too.
Well that concludes a touching segment of “Kids Picture This.” Have a drawing you’d like to share? Want to throw your own kids under the bus for a little light-hearted critique by yours truly? Email them over to me!