Time for another weekly segment of “Kids Picture This.” The concept is simple. I find kids drawings. I then critique them. Sometimes I critic them. Get it? Let’s go…
Picture # 1 – Seriously do we have a pollution problem that the rest of us don’t know about because it seems like that’s all that “the kids” are drawing about these days. Although, I’m thinking that Little Suzie is getting a little confused between “pollution” and “vomit.” I can help clear that up. You see, pollution is undesirable state of the natural environment being contaminated with harmful substances as a consequence of human activities. Vomit, on the other hand, is this drawing. See the difference? I’m also not sure why that sunflower is whipping a giant’s leather belt at that little green frog (??), but alas it is. I also didn’t know that sunflowers could talk and say “Cooooof.” Maybe that’s “sunflower talk” for “C-“ Who knows. And why in the holy hell is Little Suzie saying that we should “vote for earth?” Vote for earth for what? American Idol? Homecoming Queen? Most Popular Girl? And where do I send my vote? And who is going to tally it? It’s a little bias too, don’t you think? Like is someone promoting Mars or Pluto? What about Saturn for Christ sakes? And what about Uranus? What the hell about Uranus?! What a sin. That flower on the right, you know the one that’s dead, looks like it’s ready to give “mouth pleasure” to that smoke stack….or maybe it just has and that’s why it’s shooting “pollutants” into the air. Yeah, pollutants. That’s it. Oh and “P.S” there are no blue and black stars in the sky unless, of course, it’s a sign of “end of days” which it probably is. And can you quickly and directly explain to me why there are flowers in full bloom under the ground? Nice try, Little Suzie. Thanks to this drawing people are going to pollute even more. At least I am.
Picture # 2 – I think it’s comforting when the “Family Feud ‘X’” lets you know just exactly which member of your family will be taking the ultimate dirt nap. That’s how I want to know when I’m about to die. A giant red “X” will just appear over my body and the crowd will say, “Awwwww.” Survey says……awwwww death. That sucks. The rest of the family, apparently, isn’t taking it well either. The mother is forced to hold a little baby that’s about the exact size of a paperclip for the rest of eternity. Seriously her “blue tears” are going to drown it. And why are the two little boys wearing no shirts and “Hammer” pants? I mean this would make completely sense if the whole family broke out into a rendition of “Can’t Touch This” but that’s unlikely to happen because of, you know, the whole death situation that is apparently taking place at this moment. Wait a second, maybe the father is being “X’d” out due to lack of Hammer pants? Hmmm, now we may be onto something! And the mother/daughter totally look like they’re part of one of those Polygamist Sect sex cults and are forced to wear those highly flammable Easter color paper dresses. All they’re missing is that “half fallen Snooki poof” and we’d be in business. I have no idea where I’m even going with this. Eh, B+ for trying.
Well that concludes a touching segment of “Kids Picture This.” Have a drawing you’d like to share? Want to throw your own kids under the bus for a little light-hearted critique by yours truly? Email them over to me!