Time for another weekly segment of âKids Picture This.â The concept is simple. I find kids drawings. I then critique them. Sometimes I critic them. Get it? Letâs goâŠ
Picture # 1 â Seriously do we have a pollution problem that the rest of us donât know about because it seems like thatâs all that âthe kidsâ are drawing about these days. Although, Iâm thinking that Little Suzie is getting a little confused between âpollutionâ and âvomit.â I can help clear that up. You see, pollution is undesirable state of the natural environment being contaminated with harmful substances as a consequence of human activities. Vomit, on the other hand, is this drawing. See the difference? Iâm also not sure why that sunflower is whipping a giantâs leather belt at that little green frog (??), but alas it is. I also didnât know that sunflowers could talk and say âCooooof.â Maybe thatâs âsunflower talkâ for âC-â Who knows. And why in the holy hell is Little Suzie saying that we should âvote for earth?â Vote for earth for what? American Idol? Homecoming Queen? Most Popular Girl? And where do I send my vote? And who is going to tally it? Itâs a little bias too, donât you think? Like is someone promoting Mars or Pluto? What about Saturn for Christ sakes? And what about Uranus? What the hell about Uranus?! What a sin. That flower on the right, you know the one thatâs dead, looks like itâs ready to give âmouth pleasureâ to that smoke stackâŠ.or maybe it just has and thatâs why itâs shooting âpollutantsâ into the air. Yeah, pollutants. Thatâs it. Oh and âP.Sâ there are no blue and black stars in the sky unless, of course, itâs a sign of âend of daysâ which it probably is. And can you quickly and directly explain to me why there are flowers in full bloom under the ground? Nice try, Little Suzie. Thanks to this drawing people are going to pollute even more. At least I am.
Picture # 2 â I think itâs comforting when the âFamily Feud âXââ lets you know just exactly which member of your family will be taking the ultimate dirt nap. Thatâs how I want to know when Iâm about to die. A giant red âXâ will just appear over my body and the crowd will say, âAwwwww.â Survey saysâŠâŠawwwww death. That sucks. The rest of the family, apparently, isnât taking it well either. The mother is forced to hold a little baby thatâs about the exact size of a paperclip for the rest of eternity. Seriously her âblue tearsâ are going to drown it. And why are the two little boys wearing no shirts and âHammerâ pants? I mean this would make completely sense if the whole family broke out into a rendition of âCanât Touch Thisâ but thatâs unlikely to happen because of, you know, the whole death situation that is apparently taking place at this moment. Wait a second, maybe the father is being âXâdâ out due to lack of Hammer pants? Hmmm, now we may be onto something! And the mother/daughter totally look like theyâre part of  one of those Polygamist Sect sex cults and are forced to wear those highly flammable Easter color paper dresses. All theyâre missing is that âhalf fallen Snooki poofâ and weâd be in business. I have no idea where Iâm even going with this. Eh, B+ for trying.
Well that concludes a touching segment of âKids Picture This.â Have a drawing youâd like to share? Want to throw your own kids under the bus for a little light-hearted critique by yours truly? Email them over to me!