Time for another weekly segment of “Kids Picture This.” The concept is simple. I find kids drawings. I then critique them. Sometimes I critic them. Get it? Let’s go…
Picture # 1 – What ever happened to drawing pictures of the sun or maybe even a feisty snowman? Apparently those days are gone and it’s all about divorce and stabbing trees. When I first saw this picture I was actually in agreement with “Little Annie” because I was thinking, “You know what? I hate Devo too!” Ugh. Then I realized that Little Annie was too busy stabbing a tree with an 18th Century sword to have the time to learn how to spell “divorce.” Life for her must be really tough as she typically sees Valentine’s hearts in the middle of tree that looks like it’s being electrocuted. Why the hell is she dressed as a painter? And why is her hair yellow? Maybe her parents are getting divorced because of this? I mean, no parent wants a kid who dressed as a painter and murders (literally) trees. In fact, I hear that 75% of divorces are actually the kids fault. Yeah, I was blown away by that statistic too. I mean, I made it up, but when I made it up I was like, “Wow, that’s a lot.”
Picture # 2 – Well, well, well. What do we have here? No really. Tell me. What in the hell am I looking at. I need a little guidance with this one. The drawing, surprisingly, isn’t too bad. I mean, sure this dude is wearing a purple hat with a red feather, Tony the Tiger as a cape, ladies boots, and is clearly dealing with “arousal” in his lime green pants, but that’s all par for the course. Nothing we can’t deal with. I can’t, however, figure out what the hell is going on. Why is he yelling, “That’s My Mixture!” and why is said “mixture” yelling back, “Bark!” I don’t need a psychologist explain to me that Little Jimmy’s mom smoked, drank, tanned, and did scratch tickets all while pregnant. And look at the “T” in “mixture.” Is it just me or is it kinda giving me the finger? If I were the teacher I would grade it with the same hidden meaning messaging that Little Jimmy is drawing. I’d say, “Jimmy, I give this art drawing a B- with 7 bowls of anti-Gonzo dolls and Shirley Temple meow meows!”
Well that concludes a touching segment of “Kids Picture This.” Have a drawing you’d like to share? Want to throw your own kids under the bus for a little light-hearted critique by yours truly? Email them over to me!