I can hardly wait until the new season of Jersey Shore starts up. To keep myself entertained I’ve been collecting dust bunnies from my apartment and gluing them together with 2 parts chewing gum to 3 parts sugar water and making an “instant poof” that I place on top of my TV so that I think I’m seeing Snooki standing in my apartment when I wake up at 4 in the morning to turn over and fall back to sleep. This is also a helpful tip as a way to increase the chances of dreaming of Snooki as well. I’m good like that.
Anycrap, this time we’re not talking about Snooki. We’re talking about JWoww ShamWow and how she was partying it up (sans alcohol) while at The Roosevelt Hotel in sunny/smoggy Los Angeles (that’s in California) over the weekend. She made sure to be rock-hard-rack to the wind while she danced in a bikini that may or may not have been made from the bedspread of a 1985 Boca Raton Howard Johnson’s.
My favorite part, however, is when even the Beaver/Seal mascot is looking at ShamWow like, “And what in the holy F is this supposed to be?” The answer to that would, of course, be: The Future of America. The Future of America.