Praise Jesus Claus, the Oscars are finally over! That means, I believe, that the 6-month long award season is finally over as well. I couldn’t be more psyched. To me, award season is like watching the news for 14 hours straight during the years first snow storm. They cover the absolute piss out of it and after 3 hours I don’t care to hear from the person who’s at the supermarket and is pissed off because they’re out of bread and milk. Here’s what I won’t be missing about the award season:
- What are you wearing!? Seriously who gives an F? Is anyone at home going to see Angelina Jolie’s dress and going out to the “store” to buy it? We’re in a recession. Maybe the question could be “Can you give us money?”
- Slumdog Millionaire. I don’t care. I don’t care that everyone loved this movie. I’m over it. If I have to see those damn kids one more time looking shocked when they win about 15 awards at each award show I’m going to fly to Durka Durka myself and punch them in the nose (1845 fight-style). Final answer.
- Kate Winslet. You, like the Slumdog gang, have been nominated for every award and every category. In turn, you’ve won in every category for every award. Stop “gasping” for breath whilst on the stage and trying to “gather yourself.”
- Everybody likes a comeback. Really? Vanilla Ice. Screech Powers. Ben Seaver. Calvin from 227. Kimmy Gibbler.
- Angelina Jolie’s fake smile. She’s an actress, nothing more.
- People already talking about how when Jennifer Aniston was on stage they cut to a shot of Angelina Jolie laughing.
- Winners saying, “They told me I only have 45 seconds, but I don’t care. I’m going over!” I laughed at that joke in 1989, it’s not funny every year for 20 years. I don’t know who your agent/lawyer/makeup artist/assistant/manager and/or mothers best friend is. I don’t need to know their names.
- The term “Fashion Police.”
- Ryan Seacrest.
I’m also pissed that Jennifer Aniston was all over the Oscars yet not one person had the guts to ask her if the “Friends” were really friends. It was our one shot!
R.I.P Awards Season!