I Don’t Care What Every Single Person in America Says. Jennifer Aniston is NOT Going to Die Alone.

Jennifer Aniston was looking all hot and junk whilst walking her fine ass all around New York City over the weekend. Figures, she was out in public while I wasn’t there. That’s so how mine and Jen’s relationship is.

People say that Jennifer Aniston is going to die alone and I don’t agree. I’ll totally marry her for a variety of reasons. First, she’s hot. Second, she’s rich. Actually let me swap those. First, she’s rich. Second, she’s hot. Third, she’s in insane shape for being like 52. I mean, at the end of the day, those are really the only qualities you need in a successful relationship. I’m sure she’s mad-cow-disease crazy, but I’m fine with that because the hotness and the money cancels that right out. As long as she doesn’t mind waking up with me every morning asking if the Friends are really friends, then I think this is going to work out for the both of us. I’ll be beginning my major facial reconstruction surgery on Tuesday.


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