Seriously, I heart Intervention big time. One would say I am addicted to it. That “one” is actually me. Look, I don’t think that the people who take part in this show are anything to laugh at. Addiction is a big deal and should not be taken lightly, under any circumstances. However, every once in a while one slips through the cracks and I catch myself sitting and watching all with a big old grin on my face. The last time this happened to me was when I saw the episode with that lady Janet, who we immediately learn references herself as “I’ve always been a lady of leisure.” Seriously, next to “It’s like I’m walking on sunshine” (from the Alison from Intervention episode), this is my next favorite Intervention quote….ever.
- Janet loves her boxes of wine. She also loves her “sexy times” with dudes who live in trailers. On warm summer days, Janet enjoys sitting down in front of a broken down yellow children’s school bus that has a “Beware of Dog” sign posted on the windshield. To sum up, Janet is a dream come true.
- Her poor family is trying to help her, especially her little 8-year daughter who is cute enough to give any Michelle Tanner wannabe a run for their money. Had she busted out into a verse of “I’m the Cute One” I may have shat myself.
- Janet’s clothing style is very fashion-foward and typically consists of a bikini top with her boobs hanging out the sides, a lot of “Mardi Gras” beads and her sunglasses on top of her curled hair.
- The part where I laughed out loud was when Janet was on the phone in a broken-down car trying to get a little sex from some dude and she actually says, “I gotta get something good. I gotta get it now. You better get your Viagra and stuff it in your pocket.” I may have squealed with delight when I heard that. Nothing is more sexy than that. I tell ya, if I had a dime for every time I had some chick say to me….
- Oh, by the way, Janet’s mother thinks that Janet is a, and I quote, “sex maniac.” I’m crying. Literally, tears are rolling down my face. As her mother is saying this, they cut to Janet “booty dancing” in her bikini to a couple of fat guys sitting on wicker chairs in front of a rusty garage. Did I mention Janet is in her 50’s?
- I’d like to reiterate that I don’t think it’s funny that Janet drinks a million boxes of wine per day. I also don’t think it’s funny that Janet was molested (of course) when she was 6. Like I always say, as soon as they show the first baby picture on this show you know they’re going to say the person was molested. None of this is funny. It’s not about that. It’s about the people.
- Janet got very rich during her first marriage. She was married to some drug lord or something. Anyway, she took that money and bought machine guns and fur coats for her mom and sisters. It was very 80’s chic. Janet’s husband got arrested and they lost all their money…and fur coats. Janet met someone else.
- Shortly after this we also learn that Janet has a 75-year old boyfriend who lives in a trailer. They’ve been dating for 4-weeks. His name is Bud. I’m actually not making any of this up. Even more random, at the end of this show, Bud is at the Intervention too…..with Janet’s actual husband and kids. Brilliant.
- I always get really nervous during the actual intervention part because, you know, you really want the people to get the help they clearly need, but are afraid on how they’re going to react. Well, for me, Janet really broke the ice by sitting all “sexy” on top of her boyfriend Bud, who was just seats away from Janet’s husband. Um, did no one who was planning this think it was a bad idea for her boyfriend to be there…you know….with her husband?
- Ok, so the other thing is that the poor kids are trying to read their mom their “letters from the heart” and Janet literally keeps rolling her eyes and yelling “Oh God almighty! This is bull sh*t.” At one point Bud just answers her and goes, “This isn’t bull sh*t.” Honestly, it’s pure comedy.
- Janet throws a wrench in the future “Bud/Janet” wedding (yeah, they got engaged the night before the intervention) when Janet says she wants her actual husband to tell her that he still loves her. Janet is apparently very busy juggling multiple relationships. She’s very busy.
- In the end, Janet goes to rehab! Score one for the interventionist.
Continued success, Janet!
P.S –> Other great quotes from this episode include:
“Im not going to rehab and I’m not going to freakin’ nothin'”
“I’ve always been a lady of leisure for 30 freakin years, man!”
“I should’ve known it was entrapment!”
More You’ll Love:
All the Gifts You Can Get the Janet in Your Life
Find the Right Gift for Janet’s Boyfriend, Bud
Everything to Stuff Inside Janet’s Christmas Stocking
Sadly, No Janet Halloween Costumes Exist Here, But They Should!