Every time I see new pictures of Heidi Montag I always get excited because it’s like playing “Where’s Waldo” but with surgical procedures. Heidi Montag, the Annette Funicello of our generation, was all painful facial expressions while on the red carpet at Pure Nightclub in Vegas the other night. She was accompanied by, of course, Spencer Pratt/Steve Sanders who was eager to show off his new douchlets and his new darker blown out perm. He’s almost got his “Sandy Duncan” look down to a science.
Now I’m not a certified doctor, although I do operate on people for sport, but when you get your 2nd boob job, do they normally start them around your shoulders and then just let them hang? I swear if I didn’t know any better I would have just assumed they shaved Enzo’s head and stuffed him down Heidi’s “sluts wear red” dress.
I miss the old Heidi. Like, the old “old” Heidi. Pre-pre surgery. Her face actually looks like it hurts. I grimace when I look at it. Although ba-da-ba-ba-ba Heidi’s lovin’ it. She told People Magazine, “My favorite part, I think one of them is my chin. I think that’s what I was so excited about.” You wanna know what my favorite part is? My favorite is the part where Heidi burns in hell. That’s my favorite part.