Well, It’s Official. Sadly, Holly Montag is Officially the Hottest Montag

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And that’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.  It’ like Sophie’s Choice, if her choice was to be forced to choose which of her ugly children was the least ugly.  It’s something no one should have to do.  However, being a trash bag pioneer, I will have to choose Holly Montag as the hottest Montag (Heidi’s horse in Crested Butte is not technically family).  After seeing these pictures of Heidi Montag trying to pose all “sexy like” at a pool in Vegas over the weekend, I will no longer be qualifying Heidi has part of the human race.  I’m pretty certain, scientifically speaking, that she is a fem-bot.

Seriously what an F’n shame….and not in the good way.  In the bad way.  Heidi has completely ruined herself for life.  Let’s take a few minutes away from the trainwreck that is Lindsay Lohan and toss a good old fashion “Britney Spears 5150” on Heidi.  She is clearly a danger to herself and to others…especially if she falls in the pool.  She could knock out a small family of 4 with one breast.

And why the hell did she get another chin job?  If she wanted to look more ladylike perhaps she shouldn’t have chosen Tom Brady’s jaw line.  What a shame.  And, no joke, her hair actually looks like it’s slowly catching on fire in the hot Vegas sun.  It would be like trying to light a Q-tip instead of a cigarette.

I wish Heidi would turn around some more so that I could see some of that “next generation” back scoop surgery that she’s so happy she did.  Instead we’re stuck looking at her trying to blow bubbles.  Honestly, I’d rather look at Heidi literally blowing Bubbles (Michael Jackson’s pet monkey) then look at this crap.  And, not for nothing, but she could have totally gotten an 11th surgery which, of course, would be “knee fat removal.”

Best wishes Heidi.

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