Heidi Montag’s New Boobs: A Shelter for Enzo?


Shhhhhhh!  Be very very quiet.  We are all very lucky to be this close to the Montag Monster in her natural habitat.  She lurks close to the ground and tries to hypnotize you with her new DDD boobs and blank stares.  Not to be confused with her similar mating call, the Montag Monster positions her crotch to the sky in thanks and appreciation to the plastic surgeon gods who have blessed the beast with brand new body parts so that she can more easily devour and destroy her prey.  As you can see she has quickly attracted a Katherine McPhee lookalike who has also roamed out from the woods and has positioned herself directly next to the Montag Monster.  She tries to remain camouflaged in her 2002 Jessica Simpson blanket-shawl and matching hat but she is no match for the Montag Monster who will, in the end, knock her down to the ground with her newly shaved chin and suffocate her with her ginormous beast-like knockers.  If the Montag Monster was able to move its face, we would see a possible satisfied smile once she captures her prey, but we should all be relieved as the beast has been pulled so tight a simple smile would likely blow her ass off.

Anyway, the girl formally known as Heidi Montag was out with her yoga instructor doing “exercises” with camera crew in hand in LA the other day.  Heidi is trying to get her body back into fighting shape so she can ready herself for the next round of surgeries: Thorax and Abdomen.

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