Similar to “Tuesday’s With Maury,” I prefer to spend my Wednesday’s with Harriet Carter. It is, of course, Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday at IBBB where I take a quick look through the crapalog of Harriet Carter products and spot myself a crappy bargain to talk about. Let’s roll…
Product # 1 – In typical Harriet Carter fashion, she really likes to exaggerate things that don’t need to be exaggerated. Do you ever think you have too many remote controls? Do you ever think that a good solution to this problem is getting one giant life size remote control? Yeah, me either. However Harriet is allowing you replace all those controls with a huge remote that can actually be used as a weapon and it takes a family of 4 to push one button to change the channel. Ridiculous. Why? I just ask why over and over again. What kind of table to you put that on? How many batteries would one of those take?
Product # 2 – Happy Graduation! You worked so hard over the last 4 years and what better way to celebrate that than with this tacky graduation plaque!? It says, “The hassle was worth the tassel!” Really? Yeah if someone ever got that for me when I graduated I would have just handed it back to them. No joke. I wouldn’t even say anything. I would unwrap it, look at it, put it back in the wrapping paper, hand it back to the person, and then walk them to the door without ever saying a word. Uh, school wasn’t so much a “hassle” as it was a 4-year black out. I’m not sure what rhymes with “stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning” but if Harriet can rhyme something with that, that should go on the plaque.
Product # 3 – Harriet has clearly covered that you are lazy, but now your dog can be too! Is your little disease filled terror to lazy to walk up the stairs? Well, don’t make him use his legs like an…er…animal, just toss your dog into this harness and drag him up the stairs….literally. I say don’t just stop there. Drag your dog all over the place. Tie a rope to the handle if you have to, just keep dragging. Look how sad that dog looks. He kinda looks like he wants to throw himself down the stairs after he gets dragged to the top. I wonder how Harriet would like it if someone tossed her in that harness and dragged her up the stairs.