“Don’t Tell Your Parents” Pesto
“Father Sticky Fingers” Flan
Class Action Lawsuit Lasagna
Thanks Harriet for spreading your filthy treats to the public.
Product # 2 – Do you feel like you’re only an amateur stalker? Do you want to go pro? Well now you can with Harriet Carter’s “Night Scope.” While this product’s description states, “Ideal for bird and wildlife watching….keep one in your car to help locate street signs and house numbers!”
Uh, yeah. Not so much. Who has that hard of a time locating street signs that you need this night vision tool? It should say, “keep one in your car so that when you’re hiding in a tree and peeping through your neighbors window you can easily see inside even at night!” Harriet Carter, you’re a filthy pervert and should be ashamed of yourself. I’ll take two.
Product # 3 – Live in a dangerous neighborhood? Want to stay protected fro burglars? Are you stupid and cheap? Well does Harriet have a product for you! Now you can purchase this fake deadbolt. Yes, fake. It’s actually a self-stick fake deadbolt. Yes, self-stick. The description literally says, “Imitation deadbolt fools intruders into thinking they have no shot at breaking into your home.” Uh, really? Are these blind cartoon burglars? Burglars usually have guns with them, no? Yeah, they’re probably going to be able to shoot that “imitation deadbolt” off the door. Oh, and it they don’t have a gun they could easily tear that deadbolt off the door. If they don’t have hands, they could wait for a light breeze to blow that deadbolt off the door. Do they really have “no shot” at breaking into your home? Do burglars usually go up to a house and say, “Oh crap it’s locked. Oh well, off to the next house!” I hope Harriet has this on her house. If only I had her address…