Product # 2 – Clearly the Great Depression must be over because people were spending their money on inflatable legs. I’m going to repeat that. Inflatable legs. Once more. Inflatable legs. In between beating your wife for burning the roast, you can also play marvelous tricks on all of your dirt bag friends. Simply inflate these woman’s legs and place them in very funny places. The description even gives you a bit of a script. It says, “Who is that lady behind the chair? Under the sofa? In the closet? That’s no lady – only a pair of inflatable legs!” Oh it gets better. OF COURSE it was made in the USA. No no no, we’re not going to focus on our automobile production. Japan will never catch up with us on that.! All of our resources are going towards producing life-like inflatable legs so that we can play jokes. If I walked into a house that was playing a joke on me like this I’d pop the legs as soon as I saw them. This is reason # 2 why I also carry a pin with me wherever I go. I’ll explain reason # 1 at another time. The guy that tries to pull this comical joke over on his wife better hope that those inflatable legs open up and have a hole somewhere near the middle because that’s the only action he’ll be getting from anything female-like in a long time. This is such a great deal. You can either buy 1 pair for $1.98 or 3 pair for $4.98 to help realyl master your manage a trois joke. Giggity.
Product # 3- Ding Dong! Better put down the casserole you’re making and grab your baby because someone is at the door. But who? Your husband is working at his job, chasing his secretary around his desk, and bringing home the money to pay YOUR bills….so it can’t be him at the door. But who? If only there were some kind of hole in the door that would allow you to see out without someone seeing in. Well, now there is, Lucy Ricardo! Thanks to the brilliant folks at the Harriet Carter factory you can now see that creepy man with a topcoat and rain hat grinding his teeth and standing 1 inch in front of your door. As the description says, “Protect your family against would-be attackers” and now you can! Just think, the safer you are the more pot roasts you can make and the more needlepoint you can do. But don’t waste all your energy on those activities because when your husband gets home he’s going to want your full attention and energy so you can serve him, wait on him hand and foot, and be ready to give it up when little Johnny gets tucked into bed. Ahhh yesteryear. What a simpler time.
In closing, here’s the back of the original Harriet Carter catalog. I’ve received many many many many emails from you over the years telling me that the Harriet Carter catalog would just mysteriously appear in your mailbox when you were little even though no one in your family ever ordered anything from it. Well, if was delivered to the wrong house apparently Harriet Carter didn’t even want it back. Check out the message on the back. It says, “If Undeliverable After Forwarding, DO NOT RETURN.” Mystery solved!