Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! Let’s celebrate! Let’s text and drive! Harriet Carter, the patron saint of white trash, typically provides me with smutastic products, but sometimes she shows me a little something that I don’t quite understand. Let’s cut the small talk and get to the products. Let’s go!
Product # 1 – Do you simply have to have the latest and greatest technology? Have you just upgraded your Multiscribe floppy disk with a hard disk? Do you want to show off how technologically advance you are to all your friends? Oh and by “friends” I am of course talking about the stuffed animals you have placed around your TV tray having a tea party. Is it just me or is this “Touch Screen” Remote Control just a regular remote control placed in what I can only assume is an old Nintendo controller with a little Saran Wrap placed over it? Just because there’s a plastic case over it doesn’t mean it’s actually “touch screen.” I mean, sure, the price of $15.98 should give away the fact that even Walgreen’s won’t carry this crap. And look how they crossed out $19.98. Wow! Now it’s only $15.98! What a real treat from the pricing gods. Notice how it doesn’t come with the 2 AAA batteries? Yeah, that’s how they just lowered the price $4.00. And could they not have come up with a remote control in a little better condition than this one? It looks like a mouse has been chewing up near the top of the control and part of the Saran Wrap is all marked up, like it’s been used to beat the dog with which, in this case, I’m sure it has. I’m. Sure. It. Has. And “11” and “12?” Really? What remote control has an “11” and “12” button on it? All terrible. All of it. I’ll take 2.
Product # 2 – Someone take note right now. I want this cake for my next birthday and thanks to the “alphabet cake pan” I just may get it. Alphabet. Alphabet? So basically you’re telling me that what I’m actually looking at is not a “5-0” birthday cake, but an actual cake that just says, “So.” Really? Brilliant. Imagine walking into your surprise party and you see your cake that just says, “So?” This makes me want to get really creative with cake ideas. For example: “Yeah?” or maybe “And Your Point Is…” Or let’s use these cakes to break some tough news: “I’m Not Your Mother” or “I Blew Our Retirement Savings on Coke Whores and Big League Chew.” So? Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it. Did they really need to add those three candles onto the “So” cake for us to get the concept? They look stupid all the way in the corner. Dumb. This is the worst/best birthday ever.