Product # 3 – Uh-oh! Is your porcelain chipping? Who gives an F. The real issue is why in the hell is your refrigerator in the bathroom? Actually, another important question is who in the sexy hell has a porcelain refrigerator? Do they even make those anymore? And by “anymore” I really mean “since 1925.” This does bring up an innovative idea. Sometimes when I get out of the shower I would love some breakfast but then I have to walk alllllll the way to the kitchen. That’s not efficient at all. Instead, I’d love to be in the shower and just reach into the refrigerator and grab some milk for my cereal (I’ll keep the box of cereal under the sink). Also, how small is the bottle? It seems like it’ll take about 300 hours to fix that bathtub. It’s kinda like painting your car with a bottle of White-Out. Stop. I just thought of the last time I saw a porcelain refrigerator. Remember that episode of Punky Brewster when Cheri got trapped in the refrigerator? Yeah, then.
Product # 4 – Looking to wash your underwear in your blender? Well you’re in luck! Now you can wash your clothes in something the size of your blender. If you only own 2 articles of clothing then this is the product for you. Perfect for the homeless or a family of dwarfs, you’ll be washing clothes in simply hours! What the hell are they washing in this thing in the photo? Are those crushed Coke cans? Totally, they are. They’re 100% washing Coke cans. But why? Why would one need to wash Coke cans? Pepsi cans, sure, but Coke cans? I don’t buy it. Anyway, when you’re done washing the skid marks out of your crap stained underpants, you can also make a killer margarita in this contraption. Tasty! Ole!