Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! Similar to “Must See TV” if it’s new to you it’s not a repeat. Therefore I present you with a little Harriet Carter review from yesteryear. Technically yesteryear is 10 months prior to “days of yore.” Anyway, it’s too nice outside to be reading this so, well, don’t. Ok fine, do. But then go right outside and go for a run…or a hooker. Let’s go!
Product # 1 – Hey Disgusting! How are you? Are you kidding me with this? THIS is exactly what I’m talking about when I say that dogs are gross and their owners just don’t see it. I don’t care what you say, it’s true. This “lady” is washing her filthy dog that licks other dogs bums (haha dog bums), drinks out of the toilet, and eats its own puke right in the sink. Then, it’s time to wash the baby….in the same tub. Mmmmm clean and sanitary. My favorite! But the fun and disgust doesn’t stop just there. Next up this lady apparently gets naked and then washes her hair over the sink because, clearly, walking her fat ass to the shower is too much work. Although it looks like she’s missing her hair and is just washing her eye. Maybe she got dog shit or baby piss in it. It’s a tough call, really. She probably is also washing the fleas off that baby. Actually, that baby looks like it has rabies. Is that how you get rabies? Probably. Anyway, thanks Harriet and best wishes to this lady not having her kid ripped out of her home by DSS because I’m absolutely calling them. Gross.
Product # 2 – Uh-oh! Is your porcelain chipping? Who gives an F?! The real issue is why in the hell is your refrigerator in the bathroom? Actually, another important question is who in the sexy hell has a porcelain refrigerator? Do they even make those anymore? And by “anymore” I really mean “since 1925.” This does bring up an innovative idea. Sometimes when I get out of the shower I would love some breakfast but then I have to walk alllllll the way to the kitchen. That’s not efficient at all. Instead, I’d love to be in the shower and just reach into the refrigerator and grab some milk for my cereal (I’ll keep the box of cereal under the sink). Also, how small is the bottle? It seems like it’ll take about 300 hours to fix that bathtub. It’s kinda like painting your car with a bottle of White-Out. Stop. I just thought of the last time I saw a porcelain refrigerator. Remember that episode of Punky Brewster when Cheri got trapped in the refrigerator? Yeah, then.