Harriet Carter Product of the Week: Sexy Sock Time


Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday on a Thursday!  When there aren’t a bunch of WT teenage mothers beating the bag out of others via “the television”  I like to change things up and go back to my roots which is, of course, making fun of white trash products.  Enter:  Harriet Carter.  For those of new to IBBB feel free to browse through, literally, years (wow that makes me such a loser of Harriet Carter product reviews).  Let’s give this a whirl:

Hey there sexy legs!  Are you looking to really turn on your man by seducing him with some hot “sock putting on?”  Do you ever feel like you don’t have enough metal around your legs on a regular basis?  If you’ve answered “I’m lazy!” to any of these questions does Harriet Carter have the product for you!  Let me introduce “Easy Pull Hosiery Aid.”  Catchy name.  It rolls right off the dehydrated tongue.  As if you couldn’t be dramatic enough now you can easily step into this (more than likely) lead painted metal contraption and then  somehow magically shimmy your moldy mustard colored knitted sock right up over your mangled feet and slowly up your varicose veined legs.  I mean, you’ll have to beat off your husband with a billy club and rape whistle as he’s like to jump your bones as you begin to ooze all this crazy sex appeal.  And, not for nothing, but I have a rule and it goes a little something like this:  “When you can’t put your socks on anymore it’s time to get rid of your legs.” What?  It’s a rule.  Anyway, imagine how sexy you’re going to sound when you have to yell down the basement to your no-good-down-and-dirty husband, “Honey, can you bring up my rusty sock contraption?  I need to get ready to stand in the unemployment line.”

I love how the description says it’s also easy for panty hose.  Ok nana.  You mean to tell me that the metal death grip isn’t going to puncture hole into your panty hose?  Unlikely.  Unless maybe you like that ripped nylon look.  Maybe you’re the Ke$ha of your retirement community.  I don’t judge.  Why stop with just socks and nylons?  Why not bring this to the next level and help pick up your bloomers or your boobs for that matter?  A rack for your rack is going to be all the craze in 2019 so get into it!  Thanks Harriet for combining two of my favorite things; metal and socks.  Good day.

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