Harriet Carter New Year New Crap

Happy First Harriet Carter Wednesday of 2008! It seems like just yesterday it was 2007. Well with a new year comes some new products from the Harriet Carter crapalog. If these few new products are any indication of what’s to come, it’s going to be a great Harriet Carter 2008. I’m definitely writing in her name when it’s time to vote for President and I recommend you do too. It’s the right choice. Anyway, let’s take a look at what Harriet is trying to sell us in ’08. Let’s go…

Product # 1 – I’ve always said that we make it too difficult for the terrorists. Apparently Harriet agrees and is doing her part to help the terrorists by selling this handy propane tank carrier. Thank God! Those things are tricky to carry around and when I’m trying to declare jihad and toss one of those suckers I really think the straps will help me out. I have a question. (1) Where are you carrying that propane tank and (2) why are you carrying it? I mean, if you’re inviting me to your summer BBQ you better be supplying everything and that includes the food, grill, and gas to get that grill going. Also, wouldn’t you think that if Harriet Carter and crew knew that they were going to be shooting this photo they might either cut the grass or shoot the picture somewhere else. Actually, is this person at their house or at a park? Yeah, that doesn’t look fishy or anything. Ugh. People just don’t declare jihad like they used to.

Product # 2 – Hey sloppy! You still can’t seem to keep your clothes clean because you’re such a pig that continuously spills and drops all over themselves. To me, this bib kinda looks like a large paper towel. I have an idea, why not just use a paper towel and save yourself some money. What in the holy hell is this lady drinking anyway? Is that chocolate sauce? It looks like she’s drinking chocolate and then somehow got the chocolate sauce to fall into the shape of a dragonfly. Now that’s some crafty photoshopping. Ok, so maybe it’s supposed to be coffee not chocolate, but is there a director on the set of this photoshoot to tell this model that when coffee spills on you, you should evoke the emotion of horror as coffee is typically would burn you, no? This lady is like, “Drat, third-degree burns.”

Product # 3 – Oh it wouldn’t be the new year without some new photos of my favorite, “Failure Model Chick.” And here she is in all her greatness. Harriet won’t let poor “Failure Model Chick” ever model anything that doesn’t cover some aspect of her body. To me, she’s kinda like the next door neighbor on “Home Improvement” that was always hiding behind the fence. Anyway, “Failure Model Chick” is apparently wearing something that is kind of like a coat and kind of like a blanket. Hmmm. Now is that technically a “Conket” or a “Blanko?” I’m going to call it a Conket. So, “Failure Model Chick” is keeping warm this chilly winter by wearing her very own Conket. It must be nice to wear your Conket while you read, what looks like, the dictionary? Poor “Failure Model Chick.” They couldn’t even give her a real book to read. They’re like, ok here’s the dictionary…so….errr….look interested. And, since “Failure Model Chick” is, I’m sure, also a “Failure Actress Chick” she definitely looks convincing while she’s reading. I, too, smile with delight while reading and wearing my Conket. Don’t you?

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