Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! This week Harriet tries to sell us some extra creepy crap and while “Failure Model Chick” hasn’t been in the Harriet Carter catalog, I’ve noticed someone new popping up. I am pleased to introduce you to “Creepy Old Man Model.” Let’s go!
Product # 1 – Do you ever wish you could make a party out of going to the bathroom? Are you ever “mid-stream” and just feel like what you are doing is just so boring? Me too! There have been hundreds of times that I wished that my toilet set was all glowing as if I were on ecstasy. Well, thanks to Harriet Carter it now is! This is actually very safe too because how many time have you gone to sit down, ladies, and it was too dark and you ended up on the sink or worse..in the tub!? Well, just let your arse follow the bright blue glowing toilet seat and have a party on the toilet before you give a party to the toilet. Pissing has never been such a real blast!
Product # 2 – Speaking of pissing, etc now you can show your dinner guests exactly what your “secret dressing” really is! Seriously? Gross. It looks like the remains in a toilet after a night at el discotec. Just imagine being the hostess and being able to ask your guests, “Would you like me to add more # 1 or more # 2?” They’ll be really glad you asked! You know what, keep it in a bottle, trash.
Product # 3 – Hahahahahah. Awesome. I love animals. Hey Sparky! No no, you can’t ever exit the yard, but lets give you a little peek on exactly what you’re missing out on….freedom. I love how Harriet loves animal cruelty. Priceless. Why the plastic piece though? It’s not like the dog would be able to jump through the hole. And, I’d love to see the look on someones face as they walk by the fence and see a dog head go through it. Now if this was in my neighborhood that plastic piece would have been spray-painted with gang symbols. Good day.
Product # 4 – Alright! A new Harriet Carter model. Move over “Failure Model Chick” and make room for “Creepy Old Man Model!” Nothing says “Hey kids, I’m a pedophile” quite like this guy. Oh, and the t-shirt rules too. It says “Big Truck, Big Dude.” It should also say “Big Douche” and “Big Molester.” Just sayin’. What the hell is a matter with his face? He looks like the guy from Weekend at Bernie’s without the mustache and sunglasses. Actually wait, is this guy dead? Maybe that’s how Harriet got that t-shirt on him. Tricky Harriet!