Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! You know, it really dawned on me that I never really tackled the beautiful clothes and “clothing accessories” that Harriet Carter sells in her brilliant crapalog. I mean, she has t-shirts that have the zaniest sayings on them that even after total stranger stop beating the piss out of you for wearing them, you’ll still be laughing. Let’s take a look at the type of high-fashion that Harriet is selling this time around….
Product # 1 – Seriously, I’m starting to fall in love with “failure model chick.” She means so well and is probably so psyched that she’s “modeling” in the Harriet Carter catalog. I mean look at the please look on her face. I think she’s one more photo shoot away from a permanent dirt nap. Anyway, for me, “failure model chick” is the unsung hero of the Harriet Carter crapalog. “Failure model chick” is taking high-fashion to the next level with this reversible hat. I’m so lad that Harriet gives you the option of how ugly you want to look. Do you want to look horrible in red? Disgusting in blue? Horrific in black? Poor white trash in khaki? The options are endless. No matter who gross you want to look, Harriet’s got the color to match. As a side note, where was that photo shoot taken? Why is “failure model chick” in the sky? Perhaps she’s going to heaven? Aw, who are we kidding. You know she’s a bitch. She’s going to hell.
Product # 2 – Do you love bad jokes? Clearly you do or you wouldn’t be reading my site. However you know who else likes bad jokes and stating the obvious? You guess it…Harriet! Now you can be the talk of the town with your “My Ex Called Me For Directions. I Told Him Where to Go.” Did you really? Why would he have ever left you with a brilliant sense of humor like that? I bet you’re a real peach to be around. I’m also glad that you’re letting every person that ever passes you by know that you’re a big bitch too. Good luck getting that next day, psycho! By the way, where exactly did you tell him to go? Why would he call you for directions anyway? Everyone uses Google Maps now anyway.
Product # 3 – Uh oh! Here we go again! Oh Harriet you clever little skank. This t-shirt is brilliant. Oh, and by “brilliant” I really mean a disgrace. The t-shirt reads “I Can Fix Anything! Where’s the Duct Tape?” Get it? Do you get the brilliance of the joke? Let me explain it to you. Ok, you see the guy that wears a shirt like this is trying to get the message across that anything he tries to fix never really works out for him. Therefore, he typically uses duct tape to fix whatever broke. What this means is that he’s not so good at fixing things and that’s the joke. Now do you get it? I know, brilliant right? Duct tape is a real hoot. You know what? If I ever saw anyone walking down the street wearing that I would use duct tape to tie them up and toss them into the river. Wait, is that crossing the line? I don’t care, it’s a stupid shirt. And by “stupid” I really mean, “a hoot.”
Product # 4 – Heeeeeey Skanky McPointy Boobs! I think you have a little something to show us! But wait….where did they go? They seemed to have just disappeared. Thanks Harriet for blocking the “show.” Well ladies, you’re in luck if you’re not into letting perfect strangers know that there are six more weeks of winter this season. Harriet doesn’t want to see your “ladies greeters” and so she’s selling these “lady greeter blockers.” Just toss them into your bra and then PRESTO! You’re boring again. As a side note I wonder if the “boob model” in this photo is “failure model chick?” I bet it is. Oh wait, worse yet….I bet it’s Harriet. Heeeeey Harriet!
Ok crew, that concludes another Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. See you next week!