Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday everyone! This weeks look into, my favorite, Harriet Carter catalog will provide an overview of âthings you can wearâ or âuse to wear.â Yes, both of those needed to be in quotes. Letâs dive right in.
Photo # 1 â To you like to eat? A lot? Do you like to eat a lot and not exercise? Me too! Are you also cheap? Lazy? Me too! Well, Harriet Carter was thinking of fat, cheap, lazy me when she added this product to her catalog. Now you donât have to waste time worrying about dumb diets or buying bigger clothes, just stretch out your pants with this pants stretcher, fat-ass! I mean nothing will look better once youâre done using this product like the stretched out waste around your $10.00 pants. Throw away the belts while youâre at it and go back up to the âall you can eatâ buffet and grab yourself 2 slices of cake. Thanks for making America fat, Harriet!
Photo # 2 â Feel like spending some time outdoors and scaring the piss out of the neighborhood children? Are you also terrified of Triple E? Now you add this attractive mesh net that covers not only your shirt, but also your entire head too! Lucky for you, Harriet is also letting us know that pants are available too. If youâre not into the outdoors this is also practical for kidnappers too. All you need to do is slowly drive by a kid and toss this ânet pants-suitâ over your victim and PRESTO, you have yourself a new member to your family. Itâs not too early for someone to buy this entire outfit for me for Christmas.
Photo # 3 â Druken sluts holler at me! Harriet Carter loves to make stupid and pointless statements all the time. Did you make a total ass out of yourself at the company holiday party? Spend a little too much time with your gentleman friend in the bar bathroom last night? Well, now as you sleep off your hangover you can let everyone know one thing: âDo Not Disturb â Last Nightâs Cocktail Queen!â Wow you are soooo crazy and by wearing this sleep mask makes you AWESOME! I say they should really have two of these, one thatâs for the town drunk and the other thatâs for the town slut. All you would need to do for the town slut is take the word âtailâ out of the word âcocktailâ and there you have it. Let everyone know what you were really up to last night. Thanks Harriet, skank.
Photo # 4 â And last but certainly not least is Harriet Carterâs Surprise Box! I literally had to look at this one about 15 times before I realized that it wasnât a joke. You can actually buy 3 boxes of âsomethingâ and have no clue whatâs actually inside. Isnât that fun? No. It sounds horrific. However, I raise a challenge to all of you IBBB readers out there. Buy these surprise boxes and give them to important people in your life. Imagine the look on everyones faces when your boss opens up his âchocolate thongâ by Harriet Carter or your great-grandmother opens up her âIâm Spending Christmas With Jesus This Yearâ ornament! The memories will be endless! Perhaps my favorite part of this gift is the description thatâs next to it. It actually says, and I quote, âEver wonder what becomes of our discontinued products? We pack them in surprise boxes!â I CANâT even imagine what would be considered âdiscontinuedâ considering everything else thatâs in the catalog is ânot discontinued.â Oh the crap that must be filled in those surprise boxes! Iâm totally getting one now.