Harriet Carter and Harriet Carter

Wow the week goes by so fast! Time for a little Harriet Carter action! There are many things I learn from Harriet Carter. I learn about her love of horses, her cheap and tacky decorations, her need to always remind you about death, and much much more. This time, we tackle many variations of her favorite things. Similar to Oprah, this segment is now called, “Harriet Carter’s Favorite Things!” (insert Oprah voice) You get some crap, and you get some crap, and you get some crap. Everybody gets some craaaaaaap!

Product # 1 – Do you ever wish you could let horrible sayings from the past decade live forever? Well now you just may be able to with the Harriet Carter “It’s All Good” wall decoration. Let all your friends know that “It’s All Good” no matter what room they’re in. Other wall decorations that I truly hope that Harriet comes out with include: “I Know You Are, But What Am I?” or even “Ain’t No Thing But a Chicken Wing,” or “Can’t Touch This.” One day hopefully I will be able to buy one that says, “Don’t Worry Be Happy” or “DYNOMITE!”

Product # 2 – In keeping with the “how to white-trash up your house” theme that Harriet Carter provides you can now own this genuine Tony the Tiger wall clock. Push that grandfather clock right down the basement steps and tack up this clock. I mean, nothing truly says “class” quite like a clock that actually has a picture of a cereal cartoon character in it. Actually I think this is a good reminder for the kids. The next time the kids say, “Hey dad what time is it?” you can reply back, “Well son it’s time to get your lazy no-good ass back to school because if you don’t you’ll wind up only being able to afford a clock like this.” Thanks Harriet, you’re Grrrrreaat!

Product # 3 – Are you tired of being able to “see?” Is staring into the sun getting a little too “boring” for you? Well worry no more because now you can stare directly into this sun box. Yes, sun box. Supposedly you can “chase away your winter blues” by looking directly into this light each and every day. I guess when you burn out your cornea’s you aren’t so sad anymore that it’s snowing and cold. Nice work Harriet! Hopefully you’ll find a way to allow loud whistles to blow directly in your ears. Let’s just wipe away as many of our senses as we can!

Product # 4 – Hey ugly, are you looking for a way to get uglier? Well today is your lucky day because now you can turn your ugly glasses into an ugly visor, likely to keep you single until the end of time. Are you ever walking down the street with your sunglasses on and think “hey, do I look stupid enough yet?” That happens to me all the time. Next time you think that, just slap on that visor that your sunglasses lock right into. This contraption is also a “must have” when you’re playing shuffleboard at the retirement home….or even on the run from the law.

Thanks Harriet Carter for more absolute crap! Here’s to anther 58 years!