Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday one and all…and none. This week as we dive into what Harriet is pushing us to buy we notice one major theme: Harriet likes to keep people ugly. Let’s go…
Product # 1 – Ladies, are you sick and tired of having sex? Have you tried everything to keep the men away? Perhaps you didn’t try this handy little night-cap from Harriet Carter. Simply place this pink fitting hat with ruffles and a little pom-pom directly on your head before you go to sleep. Presto! No man in his right mind will ever find you the least bit attractive, which means no sex for you! Let’s face it, it’s really a win-win for both you and your significant other. As a side note, who smiles while they sleep? And is this same lady in the sky in the smaller picture? Wait, does this hat double as a helicopter? Stick with one theme, Harriet, you skank.
Product # 2 – Hey ugly! Are you looking to take your ugly gray hair to ugly black in just minutes? Well worry no more because after you spray this crap all over your nasty gray hair you will look very natural with this jet-black vampire hair. Seriously, I bet if you run your hands through it your hands end up with black stains all over it. Anyway, this lady would be better off shaving her head and placing a tight-fitting brown paper bag over it. With any luck, she’ll be with Jesus soon. Again, and why can’t I make it into the Harriet Carter catalog?
Product # 3 – If you happen to see this guy on the street, do me a favor….punch and/or mug him. Is this for real? Sadly, yes. Thanks to the stylings of Harriet Carter you can now wear your eyeglasses OVER your sunglasses and you don’t look like a retard at all. Not even a little. Ok, you do. I don’t think it’s nice to play tricks on the elderly. It starts off with your eyeglasses over your sunglasses and next thing you know you’re wearing your underwear on the outside of your pants….again. Nothing makes Harriet happier than humiliating her customers. She’ll get hers….oh she will get hers.
Product # 4 – I love anything that they advertise as “genuine leather.” They try to make it seem like it’s so “high-end.” Look at this beautiful genuine leather seat cushion. Seriously, it’s the same color as the lady’s hair in the “gray-away” picture above and it looks as cheap as the lady with the “sleep bonnet” in the first picture. I bet when the sun hits it it gets really hot and burns your legs as soon as you sit on it. I also bet that is smells like Harriet’s ass on a hot summers night…I’m guessing. Now is this leather seat cushion supposed to look good? When the people show up for dinner at your rusty broken-down trailer are they supposed to think that they just walked into the kings palace? I wouldn’t even sit on it. No joke, I would take it off the chair and just sit on the wood. I’m not fancy.