Yes, my friends, Jesus Claus and Santa Christ have both answered my prayers. Thanks to Uncle Jesse, there just may be the Full House reunion that the 10 of us have been waiting for all these years. I can finally stop my letter writing campaign to Congress!
According to some skanks at OK! Magazine, DJ Tanner (Candace Cameron) has said, “John has been work on a semi-remake of Full House. I know it would involve me and Jodie Sweetin. We would revive our characters, but today as young women.”
Sounds riveting. I say scratch all that and work on the following storylines:
- DJ finds out that the quickie divorce she got from her Greek “husband” by walking backwards around the kitchen table was, in fact, not legal and she is still married to this day.
- The girls visit Uncle Joey in the prison after he is found guilty of diddling the wood out of Mr. Woodchuck. Did somebody say….wooooood?
- It’s discovered that Papouli (God rest his soul) actually faked his own death just so that Michele would break that ugly popsicle stick bird house that she made for him.
- Ant Becky struggles with the missing spark in her marriage from Uncle Jesse and really does decide to just “do taxes” in the upstairs apartment.
- After years of falling off the charts “The Jessman” comes back, thanks to iTunes, and Uncle Jesse re-tours Japan. Ant Becky stays home from the tour with Nicky and Alex who both, somehow, become Siamese twins after a tricky honey experiment.
- Michele tours the location where she fell off the horse and suffered from amnesia and ends up shooting the horse that tossed her off its saddle.
- Gia, still hosting weekly “Makeout Parties” ends up spreading Herpes all throughout San Francisco and her 7th grade class. Yes, Gia is “still” trying to pass the 7th grade.
- Kimmy Gibbler copes with a life in solitude after an appearance on The Swan backfired and all the surgeries made her look worse.
- DJ still works out 7 days a week at the gym and stops eating every 3 days so she can fit into a hot bikini for Kathy Santone’s surprise 40th birthday pool party.
- Papouli comes back to life to teach Michele a special dance. Oppa!