Why the Christ is Tom Cruise Using Lindsay Lohan's Spray Tanning Machine?

Looks like someone hit “tilt” on the Lindsay-Lohan-Spray-Tan-o-Meter!  Seriously, why would Tom Cruise do this to himself?  I bet little Suri Claus was behind this.  I bet if Tom and Katie spray-tanned Suri she’d look like a little Oompa Loompa.  Bitch.  She’s as bad as Bindi Irwin. Whore-faced-skank. Tom Cruise was out in Tokyo promoting […]

Oh Well Isn't Everything Just Perfect in Suri's Life!?

Oh so she gets to dress like a princess and share a special made-up handshake with both Mickey and Minnie Mouse?  Eh, life must be tough.  I bet Suri Claus didn’t even have to wait in line like the rest of the 45,391 kids who don’t even get to shake Mickey’s hand let alone look […]

Eck! How Drunk is Suri!

Seriously, what a mess! I mean, how drunk is Suri!? Tom Cruise may be all over the place promoting the ever loving piss out of his new movie, “Hitler Was Just Misunderstood” but he should be tackling some family issues, stat. These family issues are, of course, Suri being a fall down drunk. Look at […]

Time to Play: Who’s Who?!

Ok I’ll give you a hint. This is Tom Cruise, the actor, and Katie Holmes, the actress. Ok that’s all the clues I’m giving. Now, you need to guess which of these people is Tom and which is Katie. Don’t let the open toe shoes fool you. Don’t let ’em fool you. Tom and Kitty-Kat-Katie […]

Katie Continues Her Reign of Never Showing Her Teeth

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were all awkward poses at the LA premiere of “Tropic Thunder.” Wasn’t Katie just in NYC the other day with Suri Claus? How did she get to LA so quickly? She must have access to some type of machine that gets you from one side of the country to the […]

I See Your Dead Eyes, Katie Holmes. I See Them.

Tom and Katie may have been enjoying their Sunday at the Red Bull US Moto Grand Prix in Laguna Seca, CA but that doesn’t mean that I’m not doing to see behind those half-tinted sunglasses, Katie Holmes. Seriously, she looks dead. Dead in the eyes and dead in the body. Wasn’t Katie Holmes hot at […]

Katie Holmes Knocked Up Again, Again?

It wouldn’t be a new month without some new “Is Katie Holmes Pregnant” rumors. Katie Holmes and her elf-life husband, Tom Cruise, took their bowl-cut-sporting daughter, Suri, out for a little America the Beautiful festivities in Colorado and even though they may have tried to take the focus off Katie by placing a couple of […]

Tom and Katie Twin That Shit Out

What’s that saying? Couples who dress alike…..are f’n douche-bags. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes really brightened things up in all black whilst attending The Country Girl while in New York City this past weekend. Tom does his best shit-eating-grin and Katie does her best to look like a 42 […]

Katie Mocks Tom, I Mock Both of Them

It’s nice to see the visual definition of “shit eating grin.” Katie “Curly Sue” Holmes and Tom Cruise were robotic hand in robotic hand at the “First Annual Essence Black Women In Hollywood” event at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night. This is fitting as I’ve always viewed this couple as 2 strong black […]

Katie Runs Marathon, Tom Wears Tucked In Turtleneck

Katie Holmes ran the 26-mile New York Marathon, while Tom wore a tucked in turtleneck and waited for Katie to finish. I wonder if Katie is building up her endurance to finally make a run from Tom and Scientology. Forget that, Scientology will always end up finding you no matter where you run and hide. […]

Tom Cruise Holds Suri Like He Holds a Football…Not Right.

Senor Tom Cruise was out and about in the streets of NYC with his daughter, Suri. Tom is basically holding Suri the same way that he holds a football…not right. It’s like he’s trying to hide something. Maybe he’s pregnant? I have no clue what Scientology can do to you. Anyway, I’m sure it’s hard […]

Tom, Katie, and Crew Still Dress Like A-Holes at Every Sporting Event They Go To

The Cruise-Beckham’s were out in full force to show a little support (and a ‘man-crush’ for Tom) for David Beckham and Real Madrid vs. Mallorca. Are the three characters seen above for f’n real? I don’t care how much money you have, why are you wearing that to any type of sporting event. Ever been […]

Katie Gets Tom’s Haircut

Now did Katie get Tom’s haircut or did Tom get Katie’s haircut? It’s a tough one. It’s like what came first, the chicken or the egg? Tom and Katie left their bratty kid at home and had a nice dinner quiet dinner at Cut restaurant in Beverly Hills the other night. As a side note, […]

Jessica Alba & Tom Cruise to Horrify You

I think there’s an open seat at the Scientology club! Jessica Alba has just signed on to star in a horror film, The Eye, for Tom Cruise’s production company. Jessica signed this $4 million dollar deal, but all the Scientology jokes that will comes from this? Priceless. There is no word yet if Tom Cruise […]

The Most Expensive Celebrity Clown Car

Beep Beep! Here comes the talentless mobile! I never knew that a car actually existed that could fit all of my least favorite celebrities. No joke, after the Golden Globes party, one of their cars broke down so the following people all had to squeeze into one car: Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx (rode […]

Tom and Katie: The New Sonny and Cher?

Please tell me this isn’t actually true. I mean, I love to be able to hear things and I do NOT want to go deaf at such a young age. The Sydney Morning Herald is claiming that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are going to re-record the song, “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” after Tom […]

TomKat Officially Married, Again!

How many times can two people have the same wedding? And more importantly, why does it look like Katie Holmes has a comb-over mullet? Katie and Tom spent $2.5 million on their Italian wedding (cheap bastards), but that wedding was more just for “show.” The rep of Tom and Katie (possibly Xenu) confirmed that their […]

Suri Loses More Baby Fat Than Tom

Suri must have a rigorous workout because she has lost waaay more baby fat than Tom has. Is he kidding with the double chin? Don’t most people try to lose a pound or two before their wedding? And it’s not like he’s packing on the pounds for a big movie role, as he is “without […]

Katie Holmes Manhandles Tom Cruise

Before Tom and Katie landed in Rome for their wedding, they took the time to take part in their favorite past-time, “watching a child’s soccer game in tight jeans and a tight shirt.” Anyway, Tom and Katie have arrived in Rome with all their kids, which include but are not limited to, Isabella (who?), Connor […]

Tom Cruise to Work 40 Hours a Week

Tom Cruise got his workers permit signed by his parents and can now work a full time job! Tom Cruise is partnering up with MGM to bring back United Artists movie studio. This deal which is giving Tom and his business partner, Paula Wagner, major ownership in the new studio, will also include Tom being […]