The Funniest Hills Recaps Ever

We will never forget our love for all things "The Hills." Read through our favorite Hills recaps of all time!

You'll Also Love: Best Beauty Products | Men's Style & Fashion for 2018 | New Nail Polish Colors & Shades for 2018 | Best Drugstore Mascaras | Designer Handbags & Purses for Women | Killer Gift Ideas for Just About Anyone |

The Hills Recap: Apparently They've Decided to Just Go the Sex Route

Today’s Hills recap is brought to you by the letters: A, N, O, R, E, X, I and A.  And also by the numbers 9 and 1 lbs.  If you’re like me and were tuning in just to see Kristin Cavallari get a drink thrown in her face by Jayde you will be crying meth tears […]

The Hills Recap: Remember When on "Who's the Boss" All of a Sudden That Little Kid, "Billy," Showed Up for a Season? Well, He Lives Next Door to Heidi and Spencer Now.

Oh you’re welcome for the photoshopping this week.  Just to pre-recap the recap, nothing happened on this episode.  Well, that’s a lie, Audrina stared at stuff…like a lot.  I’m not even sure if she was alive or if they were just pulling a “Weekend at Bernie’s” routine with rope, a pulley, and some peanut butter.  […]

The Hills Recap: The Script is Back

  I mean, I don’t want to say that I’ve finally trumped my photoshopping skills, but apparently I have.  It is officially as ghetto as this site.  Score.  Anyway, the moment you’ve all been waiting for.  The Hills is back and after praying to my Jesus Claus, he finally brought Kristin Cavallari back into our […]

The Hills Season Finale: Lauren is Dead…to Me.

Remember where you were when the Berlin Wall fell?  September 11th?  Jesus came back to earth to send Bindi Irwin directly to hell?  Well me too.  Similar to those important days in history you will always remember where you were when Lauren Conrad left “The Hills.”  It’s a sad day for everyone.  If Heidi and […]

The Hills Recap: Hey Lauren, Yeah It's Spencer. So, Um, Er, Uh, Yeah…Sorry About that Whole Sex Tape Thing.

  We are officially just two crapisodes away from the season finale of The Hills and Lauren’s last episode…ever.  I hope they retire her mustache and raise it up to the rafters.  Maybe she’ll pass her mustache on to another cast-mate.  Perhaps Darlene Montag.  She’d look nice with it.  Anystache, here’s what went down last […]

The Hills Recap: Introducing Bill Montag, the American Version of Juan Valdez

    Yeeee Haw!  Bill Montag is coming to town!  Heidi alerts Spencer that her “real dad” is coming to town to meet him and that he’s a real life cowboy who will probably bring his shotgun with him to LA.  Really?  Are you allowed to bring a shotgun with you on the plane from […]

The Hills Recap: The Episode Where Everyone Goes to Work

You know they’re hitting tilt on the “desperate-o-meter” where the majority of The Hills episode is based on Lauren, Lo, Audrina, Heidi, and Stephanie working.  And come to think of it there aren’t 5 more deserving girls who should hold down employment.  Here’s what went down last night on The Hills: The opening scene was […]

The Hills Recap: Jayde and Her Bottle of Jager Really Class Up the Crapisode

Not only did I forget the Heidi works at Bolthouse again, but I forgot that Kimberly, her co-worker, was alive.  It’s nice to see her again.  I bet she wrote to the producers asking them to have her back on the show since she grew her bangs out.  Why she’s dressed like a little sailor […]

The Hills Recap: Hawaii 5-Ho and the Case of the Biblical Virgin Twins

  The surprise that everyone has been waiting for.  The girls in their Hawaiian dresses/shirts (Lauren in her plaid boys toddler shirt) sneak up on Brody and douche crew who are laying down and drinking beers.  First off, the girls can’t really sneak up on them because Audrina is with them and her teeth can […]

The Hills Recap: Stephanie Pratt is the World's Worst Intern….and Person.

The Hills is back and it’s already going down hill (pun sorta intended, and sorta not used in the right way) and by “already” I mean “since season 2.”  Will Audrina use her teeth on Brody?  Will Sandy Sanders sink Pubic Revolution?  Will LC’s ‘stache get hired as an even newer intern?  Will Jen Bunney […]

The Hills Recap: Kelly Cutrone Saves the Show….Again.

Who loves the new opening of The Hills?  I do, but mainly because I’m pretty sure they’re making fun of them in almost every shot.  And, obviously, I like that.  Here’s what went down last night on The Hills…. The crapisode kicks off with Sandy Sanders stopping by Casa de Chin to discuss Heidi’s ex-boyfriend […]

I Have 2 Words For You: The Hills Season 5 Premiere is Back! Recap Time!

Heidi’s been practicing chasing seagulls for months.  Lauren’s black mustache has grown in just right.  Audrina’s teethhave been filed down slightly smaller than a beavers overbite.  Steve Sanders (Spencer, for those of you who are quick to forget) has both his hair and Santa Pubes beard freshly frosted.  Sandy Sanders is newly out of a […]

The Hills Season 5 Preview: Scripted Punches, Scripted Tears, Scripted Hugs. Scripted Scripts.

    So yeah, uh, I’m playing it cool.  I could care less that I just saw the teaser for The Hills Season 5.  Yeah, who cares, right?  That show totally sucks.  Ok, now that that’s over.  I’m completely pumped that The Hills Season 5 is going to start soon and after seeing the ridiculousness […]

The Hills Season Finale: This Episode Has More Tears Than Audrina’s Hoo-Ha After a Drunken Night in Palm Springs w/ Justin Bobby. Did I Cross a Line?

Wow. Season 4. Yup. Yeah, so. Er….uh. Hmmm. Yow. Eesh. Yuckeroo. Sorta at a loss for words. Lives were saved. Conflicts in the Middle East, resolved. Diseases cured. That’ll wrap up the entire 4th season. In what is the last Hills Recap from IBBB of Season 4, let us dry our drunken eyes and come […]

The Hills Recap: Heidi and Spencer Get Married in Mexico Right After Heidi Gets Faux-Drunk and Says Every Stereotypical Spanish Word She Knows. Ole!

Well folks, we are down to just one more Hills episode of the season after this one. I’m not going to lie, I kinda feel like I’m getting out of prison next week. Of course, after prison I do have 100 hours of community service I must fulfill which consists of me recapping “The City” […]

The Hills Recap: Why Doesn’t Whitney Say, “Diane Von FurstenberK”

Dear Jesus Claus, Please let The Hills end soon. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. When they are giving story-lines to the original cast members boyfriends sisters boyfriend it makes me angry inside and when I’m angry I can barely spread my joy throughout the world. Anyclaus, here’s what went […]

The Hills Recap: Nana Pratt – More Lifelike Than Oddrina

So here we f’n are again. Are we currently in episode 23 in the 4th season or in episode 22? I think I’ve been in a coma since the season premiere. I am honestly going to try my best to not yell “F you. This sucks” during every single scene. Wish me luck. Here’s what […]

The Hills Recap: Audrina’s Mental Breakdown: A Very Special Episode of “The Hills.”

Grab your nap mats, boys and girls, because Mother Goose has written one f’d up crapisode of The Hills this week. Perhaps the least scripted episode yet, Audrina must have been chewing on some toys that were shellacked with lead paint and delivered from China because she pretty much goes bat sh*t crazy. With Thanksgiving […]

The Hills Recap: Holly Moves in With Lauren, Everyone Drinks, I Die a Little More Inside

WARNING!!! What an absolute nightmare this episode is. It’s like they didn’t even try this time. I would have rather watched Kelly CUNTrone give herself an enema whilst wearing all black then watch this crap. Regardless, here’s what went down last night on The Hills….Jesus be with me: Once again we begin with Whitney and […]

The Hills Recap: Whitney Officially Gets “Hillsified”

I don’t want anyone to be alarmed, but this week Audrina, LOser, Brody, Frankie, DouK, Justin Bobby, and Stephanie Pratt are nowhere to be found. It’s like those episodes of The Facts of Life where sometimes Blair just randomly wouldn’t be in it. You watched it anyway, but the whole time you were kinda like […]