The City Season Finale Recap: Olivia’s Little Face is HUGE in Japan. Not Literally Though. Relax Olivia. Put the Toothbrush Down.

Let’s Be Facebook Friends! Goooooooooooooonnnnggg!  This week, boys and girls, The City is visiting Japan!  That’s left of Poland, I believe, for those of you following along in Canada.  Get ready for me to make as many ignorant jokes as my fingers will type! Whitney is ready to sell her lead-laced rags to anyone who […]

The City Recap: Olivia Knows Japan Isn’t In New York, Right?

Join Me on Facebook! This week we’re starting with the recap of The City instead of The Hills because I thought it was time to change things up.  I’m kidding, my Tivo didn’t tape The Hills for some reason and I. Am. Pissed.  I yelled at my Tivo and, well, said a lot of things […]

The City Recap: With Special Guest Appearance By Martha Stewart

Join Me on Facebook, Won’t You? Enjoy the latest on what went down on The City.  Spread the word! Uh, what happened to Joe Zee?  Who’s this new guy who looks like Joe Zee, but isn’t wearing the required black suit/white shirt/black skinny tie uniform that we’re use to seeing?  If he’s going to all […]

The City Recap: Garbage Bag Punk is the New Homeless Chic

Sellout Opportunity: Vote for Me Here for MTV TJ (just fill out @ibbb).  Back to your regularly scheduled programming… Starting the show with Kelly Cutrone on “10” just makes sense to me.  Whitney is, once again, getting ready to sell her flammable clothes to anyone who will buy them like a hooker trying to make […]

The City Recap: Meet Colonel Whitney Sanders!

Let’s Be Facebook Friends, For LIFE! Welcome to Miami, bienvenwhito a Miami.  That’s Spanish for, “Whitney and Roxy are in Miami to put on a fashion show, which most likely will be an absolute disaster.  Roxy will probably relapse with coke and Whitney is probably getting a sun burn just sitting in the lobby of […]

The City Recap: If Olivia Gets Fired From Elle, I Quit Life.

Join Me on Facebook! Better late than never.  This week on The City it’s Fashion Week in New York City which is like Christmas morning for these people.  For me, it’s a bit of a snooze, but I’m confident that my friend Olivia and the rest of the gang will make this episode everything I’ve […]

The City Recap: Not Wearing Guess Can Send Joe Zee Into Cardiac Arrest

Join Me on Facebook! We’re kicking things off at (h)Elle Magazine and a loving exchange between Olivia and Erin Jo.  Erin Jo is filling in Olivia on some event that Guess is having and Olivia is looking at Erin Jo like she’s a 2 year old reciting a blueberry muffins recipe.  At the same time […]

The City Recap: So When Did Joe Zee Start Banging Olivia?

Join Me on Facebook.  You’ll Hate It! Time to spend a little time with the folks from “The City.”  You want to know what this show is missing?  Someone with a visible drug problem.  Really, that’s it.  It has everything else I’m looking for in a show, but it’s missing a sloppy drug addict.  I’d […]

The City Recap: Fergie’s Cover of Elle AND Olivia Apparently Cloned Herself. Que Suerte!

Join Me on Facebook!  You’ll Hate it! Another crapisode of The City hot off the press, whatever in the holy hell that means.  This week, like an episode of Laverne and Shirley, Fergie is guest starring and Whitney is still shooing the ever loving piss out of her look book.  Can’t people just go online […]

The City Recap: “You Know Where Nice People End Up? On Welfare.” ~ Kelly Cutrone

Join Me on Facebook.  What Fun! Sammy Gap Tooth (SGT) has invited Whitney and Roxy Horror out for a fancy-pants breakfast/brunch/lunch/dinner.  I’m not really sure what meal it is as Roxy Horror is complaining that she wants coffee and breakfast and Whitney is whining that she wants a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Remember when […]

The City Recap: Olivia Knows How to Answer the Phone. I Smell a Promotion!

Join Me on Facebook!! Welcome to The City recap!  Unlike The Hills, no one seems to be on drugs, well, except Olivia who seems to be on enough tranquilizers to stop a charging rhino.  This week we get to see Whitney show her rags off to some magazine people (and the MTV cameras) and Roxy […]

The City Recap: Whitney Owns a Sweatshop and Kelly Cutrone Cries

Cowbell, cowbell, cowbell.  Oh, and cowbell.  The City is back like a case of crabs that you’ve come to know, expect, but aren’t overly psyched to see each and every week.  What I mean is that the break was nice.  Was that not clear?  Also, I don’t have crabs.  Now that we’ve taken care of […]

The City Season 2 Preview: Best. Facial. Expressions. Ever.

So are we just pretending that there was never an actual Season One of The City and, therefore, this upcoming season is actually Season Two?  I’ll buy that.  MTV is promoting the newest season of The City as Season 2  (which premieres Tuesday, April 27th at 10:30 pm) and to be honest I have no […]

The City Recap Season Finale: Whitney Tries To Sell Her Clothes to the Rusted Boxes at Burgerdork John Goodman…At Least I think That's What Happened.

 Another season of The City has come and gone.  Just when I was about to stop repeatedly punching myself in the nuts the entire time the show was on, I actually began to like watching it.  It’s the oldest story, I know.  So what will happen to our City friends?  Will Erin Jo be booked […]

The City Recap: Criss-Cross Applesauce

    It’s always a wondrous sign from our Heavenly Father when Kelly Cutrone is in the opening scene for the crapisode.  This is typically when I smile from sideburn to crooked sideburn, grab a beer (or 10), and fasten the seat belt I’ve installed on my couch.  While I feel, a little, that Kelly […]

The City Recap: The Many Faces of Erin Kaplan

  Sure the main point of this episode is about Whitney and her terrible blind date, but I must admit I was a little more fascinated by all the faces that Erin has been making throughout the season.  Therefore ergo nevertheless furthermore regardless virtues, I decided to capture all the wonder that Erin creates with […]

The City Recap: Kelly Cutrone's Plan to End the Recession? Bring Pens to Meetings. Done and Done!

  It’s no secret that I have an unhealthy obsession with all things Kelly Cutrone.  Would I go as far as saying that I want to knock over a 7-11 with her and hotwire a stolen police car all whilst on a first-time-ever meth binge?  Yes, yes, and I’ll try it, I guess, if Kelly’s […]

The City Recap: Fucklemackle vs. Fucklemackle

  We kick things off with Whitney and Roxy Horror getting some sun whilst laying out in Central Park.  I’m not sure if they spray-painted the grass around them bright green because I’ve been there a million times and it’s never that green.  Also, Whitney looks like she’s wearing nursing scrubs.  Later Whitney and Freddie […]

The City Recap: Hello Freddie and Frito-Lay Fucklemackle! What Does That Even Mean?!

Time for a little City recap!  I got a lot of crap for not recapping last weeks crapisode of The City.  I’m sorry, are you paying my bills?  You don’t know me!  You don’t know me!  I pay my own bills!  You don’t know me!  Sorry, that was me practicing my rebuttal if the Ricki […]

The City Recap: Can't We Just Call it "The Kelly Cutrone Show." Please?

Cow bell cow bell cow bell.  How come The City is turning into a reality show version of The Office, minus the interesting characters, funny lines, and good writing?  Last season we were bored to meth tears with the psycho relationship between Sleepy Time Allie and her boyfriend and Whitney and Ozzy Bobby.  This season […]