Teen Mom OG Recaps That'll Change Your Life

Clearly Teen Mom is the gift that keeps on giving. Go back in time and get all caught up on all your favorite Teen Mom OG recaps. It's free!

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Teen Mom Recap: I’m Dreaming of a White (Trash) Christmas

Farrah – Apparently getting your “Pizza Making” 2 year degree deserves an endless celebration because Farrah’s dad is taking her out to brunch.  This, of course, requires him to have a little screwdriver with brunch basically to just get through it…kinda like what I have to do watching these trash heaps converse.  Farrah is filling […]

Teen Mom Recap: Amber’s Mom is the Myspace of Teen Mom’s Moms

Farrah – Since Debra no longer seems to want to “slash-n-grab” Farrah’s face anymore we’re left with picking random storylines out of a black top-hat.  So what do we have in store this week, boys and girls?  Well we’re going to be heading off to the graveyard but of course!  Sophia, press pause on your […]

Teen Mom Recap: At Least Leah Didn’t Yell, “Roseanne!”

Farrah – It’s quite the celebratory day for our little Glow-Worm with bangs, Farrah, because she’s finally graduated with her associates degree from her local culinary school!  So basically at this point she’s qualified to cook me sandwiches out of an ice cream truck.  Although, I’m not too sure how good those sandwiches will be […]

Teen Mom Recap: Halloween for The Poors

Farrah – Oh Jesus, baby Goo is legit dressed like Dora and trying to help Farrah load the dishwasher.  Yes, my friends, it has come to this.  Is it just me or does Farrah talk to Sophia like she’s the family pet?  She keeps trying to get Sophia the Explorer away from the dishwasher because […]

Teen Mom Recap: Per Usual, Barney Continues to Destroy Families

Amber – Manscape your junk fella’s because Amber Portwood is back on the meat market!  The same as my mood changes with each beer I pound, Amber and Gary have decided to break up again.  I think the only difference is that Amber will only be using her mouth on Gar Bear and not her […]

Teen Mom Recap: Butch (Snarlin’ Darlin’) is Back, Baby! He’s a Natural Born Predator!

Hello my good people.  Before we get down to brass tax, let’s get down to brass tacks.  For those of you who’ve helped me during the Celebrity Twitter Bomb, we’ll be playing again today.  It’s simple.  If you like this recap and want to help me continue to sell out then “Tweet” this recap (you […]

Teen Mom Recap: Stairs 1, Gary 0

Farrah – Ooh la la!  Someone is finally ready to get back into the wonderful world of modeling.  I guess leopard print caftans aren’t going to sell themselves!  After boobs have been bought,  Farrah is thumbing through her “portfolio” and this is the first instance in this episode where I literally squealed with delight.  I’m […]

Teen Mom Recap: The Original Tot Mom, Amber Portwood, is Back Ladies and Gentlemen (Greeters)!

Cruel world, it’s been too long! After waiting almost as long for my parents to allow me to watch Weird Science on VHS, Teen Mom has finally returned! It’s fitting that the premiere is the week of 4th of July because like apple pie, fireworks, and red, white, and blue streamers there is nothing more […]

My Open Letter to Amber Portwood

My Dearest Ambersand, I am forced to write this open letter to you as I am in fear of your life my own life.  I know you’ve been going through some really rough times lately.  First you got knocked to the up whilst 16 years old and, even worse, it took you 2 seasons to […]

9 Things I Learned from Teenage Mothers in 2010

It’s been quite a year for girls who “gave it up” at a young age, found themselves “with child” and simultaneously starring in their own television reality series. At the same time, I have watched endless hours of these girls over the course of 2010 and have learned a thing or two. Since I’m a […]

My Dreams are Coming to Life! Amber Gets Tattoo of Roseanne on Her Muffin Top!

Join Me on Facebook! Have you ever read the book “The Secret?”  Don’t judge, I live my life by it, but I’ve figured out the secret of “The Secret.”  You can’t wish for anything actually important in life.  Not at all.  I’ve been “putting out into the universe” that I will be working for The […]

If Amber Wasn’t “Sexy-Dancing” Whilst Intoxicated I’m Gonna Be Angry

Join Me on Facebook! “Cotton candy sweet and low, let me see that tootsie roll (I said) tootsie roll. To the left, to the left, to the right, to the right, to the front, to the front.  Now dip, baby dip.  I said now, dip baby dip.“ This is exactly what plays in my head […]

Teen Mom Reunion Recap: Let’s Slap a 5150 on Amber and Just Move on With Our Lives

Join Me on Facebook! Well get out the toothpicks and place them in your eyes because we have a 2-hour commitment to Teen Mom ahead of us.  Will Butch surprise us all by storming the stage via a Jerry Springer moment?  Will Dr. Drew read a letter from the real Roseanne and Dan Conner giving […]

Teen Mom Recap: No, Debra No Longer Looks Like a Felon

Join Me on Pull off your braces, crack open some Twisted Tea, and start your very own “sexy-dancing” because it’s the last episode of Teen Mom for the season. It’s funny because I didn’t think it would impact me the way that is has and I never thought I’d feel this way, but as far […]

Amber is Sorry and Quite Possibly On Enough Tranquilizers to Stop a Charging Rhino

Join Me on Facebook! It’s Amber’s World, Amber’s World, Party Time, Excellent! I mean, come on.  It’s like Santa Christ is hard at work over at 1515 Broadway and forcing Amber to create a “home video” apologizing for punching and beating the bag out of Gary just for me!  And, to top things off they […]

Teen Mom Recap: Amber Meets Prince Charming at “Wally.”

Join Me on Facebook! Amber – It’s shocking to me that Gary isn’t at Amber’s House of Horror yet and they haven’t smoothed things over as they typically do after their major blowouts.  Therefore Gary is staying at is brothers apartment.  Why do “the poors” always call it an apartment when clearly it is Section […]

So Which Episode Does Amber Go to Jail?

IBBB has been blowing up with comments and personal emails asking me if Amber is going to go to jail for beating the bag out of Gary on national television.  I, of course, typically respond with my standard statement of “I only wish I knew them personally.”  Well, apparently you’re not allowed to beat up […]

Teen Mom Recap: “Guess What, B*tch? This is MY House!”

Join Me on Facebook! Amber – Oh Amber.  Amber, Amber, Amber.  Amber and her friend, who I believe is also a “teenage mother” are out at the park pushing their kids on the swings and chit-chattin’ about deep world issues.  I’m kidding.  They’re talking about how Gary may end up living in his van since […]

Teen Mom Recap: This is My Father, His Name is Darl

Join Me on Facebook! You may think that this Teen Mom recap is over a day late. You would be incorrect. I deliberately withheld the recap from you as a way to symbolize how Ryan feels about Bint-Lee being hijacked to Nashville. So did you like coming here and not finding the Teen Mom recap? […]

Teen Mom Recap: Why Can’t We See April’s Vegas Vacation?

Join Me on Facebook! Farrah – You know who has a real clean property?  Debra.  She must have used her court-order trash claw to clean up the lawn and sidewalk.  Our favorite Who with a butcher knife is offering Farrah to live in her rental house across the street and Farrah is still being a […]