Teen Mom OG Recaps That'll Change Your Life

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Teen Mom Recap: The One Where Amber Stars in “Good Will Hunting 2”

I don’t want to oversell this, but this is probably the best episode of Teen Mom since the one where we watched Debra pick up trash on the side of the highway with a trashclaw sporting one of those bright orange reflector vests like she was part of a chain-gang.  This week was filled with […]

Gary the Hairy Fairy and the Case of Farrah’s First Ugly Cry

Is it just me or is Teen Mom on for an hour, but there are about 46 minutes of commercials?  It’s like we watch Amber curled up on the couch looking out the window and then they go to commercial.  Then they come back and Catelynn is laying on her bed…and then they go to […]

Teen Mom Recap: The One Where Leah Learns Her Sister is an Accident

I wanted to title this one “The One Where Everyone is Pregnant” but I just figured that was a given since if it’s one thing we’ve learned from 25 years of Teen Mom episodes it’s that when doing naughty boom boom feels good, the hell with protection!  This week we learn that Gary’s Polygamist Sect […]

Teen Mom OG Recap: Amber Tours the Country As Gary Reclines

> Follow Me on Twitter & Facebook to Continue the Teen Mom Conversation! < Well hello my good people of Teen Mom.  So we meet again.  This week is filled with a lot of action packed adventure and hijinx!  I’m kidding. It is, of course, filled mainly with people sitting on oversized puffy leather couches and binge eating while the world’s […]

Teen Mom OG Recap: Meet Gary the Tickle Monster

>> Follow Me on Twitter & Facebook to Continue the Teen Mom Conversation! << I know I’ve said that Gary and Amber were basically the Roseanne and Dan Connor of our generation and, well, they basically do live in Lanford, but as time goes on I think I’m going to start to elevate them to Ross & Rachael status.  I […]

Teen Mom OG Recap: Presenting 6″ Eyelash Portwood

I missed the live Tweeting of Teen Mom last night since I was flying the friendly skies and getting back from a much needed vacation. But if it’s one thing I do know (besides Spanish now) it’s that nothing brings the country back together quite like the new season on Teen Mom OG (which stands, […]

9 Most Cringeworthy Moments of Farrah’s Music Video for “Blowin”

Farrah (from Teen Mom…not that you needed the reminder) just released a “music video” for her new single “Blowin’”  I mean.  I’d place quotes around this entire blog if I could.  Also don’t think the irony between the fact that this is her “single” and, well, Farrah is typically sans-partner is lost on me.  Here […]

Catelynn and Her Bong: Nope, Carly Isn’t in There

This isn’t an open letter as much to Catelynn as it is to “The America,”  the bong, a little bit to Catelynn and mainly to you.  Look, I don’t really see what all the hoopla is about for Catelynn and that damn bong.  Are drugs good for you?  Most likely, no.  I mean, I’m not […]

Teen Mom Reunion Recap: Two Seats for Gary

It’s fitting that MTV would kick me in the teeth one last time with the part two of the Teen Mom reunion being about Maci for about 45 minutes.  For reasons unbeknownst to me, Maci looks like Japanimation come to life with the black streak in her hair that no one is doing anywhere.  This […]

Teen Mom Reunion Part One: Foreheads with a Side of Sass

I’m glad that MTV decided to split this reunion up into two parts.  I think it technically takes that long to try and discover exactly where iCarly is hiding out.  Spoiler Alert:  Tajikistan.  I know, it’s usually the first place I look but the last place Dr. Drew looked.  Speaking of doctors who mainly appear […]

Teen Mom Finale Recap: Blue Raspberry Slut Puppies

Well folks, here we are.  Like Farrah’s life when Debra grabs the butcher knives, all good things must come to an end.  So for one last time, let’s see what Amber, Farrah, Maci, and Catelynn were up to on last nights crapisode of “The One Time Unprotected Teenage Sex Actually Paid Off, Literally.” Amber – […]

Teen Mom Recap: The One Where Leah Wishes She Was Carly

Well we’re almost done with this Teen Mom series which means that you’ll have to go back to actually paying attention to your own dumb kids and I should probably start reading books or something.  I’m kidding I would never do that.  Once I finally found Waldo I gave up “the books” for hundreds of […]

Teen Mom Recap: All of Farrah’s Ex’s Live in Texas (and Heaven)

Hello my good people.  It’s time for yet another episode of “Carly is Really Missing Out.”  Before we continue I’d like to say a big “gracias” to all of you who recommended and shared my recap of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  It broke IBBB records that, well, only I care about.  So let’s make […]

Teen Mom Recap: Butch’s Dream of Becoming a Lawyer

Time for another episode of “Spread ‘Em Young and Land on the Television.”  Before we get to that, please be sure to come back tomorrow where (yes) I will be recapping a new show, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” on TLC.  I like to think of it as a Teen Mom prequel.  Also, be sure […]

Teen Mom Recap: What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Tonight on a very special episode of Teen Mom we deal with the delicate subject of domestic violence. Remember, abuse is never ok and if you know someone who is in an April and Butch style situation please let them know that, well, no one likes a snitch so take it to the grave. God […]

Teen Mom Recap: Kim’s Ricki Lake Makeover Episode

That’s right folks it’s time for another episode of “Are You Sure It’s Not Too Late for An Abortion?”  The answer to that is always “no.”  Although I’m sure modern western medicine would disagree.  Consult your physician before reading this recap.  Also, as always if you’d like to join me on my personal Facebook page […]

Teen Mom Recap: Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Trash Claw?

Time for another episode of “Now You’re Just Moms.”  Join me on my Facebook page (click here) and be sure to click the “Recommend” button so you can share this will all your friends and family members that you hate.  Ole! Farrah – Bolt down the furniture and put the rubber sheets on the bed […]

Teen Mom Recap: 50 Shades of Gary

Time for another episode of “I’m Barely Still a Teen, but Keep the Cameras Rolling and the Checks Coming!”  Overall this crapisode was a snooze but there are still some gems nonetheless.  Bonus points of me using a 10 point word like “nonetheless.”  Also, Friend me on Facebook by clicking here if you want to […]

Teen Mom Recap: Maci Are You Ok? Are You Ok? Are You Ok, Maci?

Check your naughty factory for a fetus because it’s time for another crapisode of Ye Ole Teenage Madre.  It’s both “old timey” and “Spanish.”  I’ve decided.  Before we get to the goods, I have a little housekeeping to discuss.  I need y’all to help me win a little contest Bravo is holding to become the […]

Teen Mom Recap: Farrah and the Fairytale of Local Registered Sex Offenders

Hey y’all it’s time for another crapisode of Teen Mom.  Sadly this episode was a little slow (like Kyle trying to find the toaster in the tree in a Highlights magazine) but hopefully this recap will breathe a little life into it.  I have no idea what that means.  However, if you like what you […]